Classic Dad NFL Predictions — Week 14, 2017

December 5, 2017

Guaranteed lock of the week: The Foam Dome makes a comeback, baby!

In other news, ka-boom, there goes another old stadium via demolition.

And, in the case of Detroit’s old dome, it’s a two-act catastrophic masterpiece. Only the Lions can false start on a stadium explosion. Sadly and gradually all the gladiatorial collegiums dad loved growing up are being replaced, and that’s the cycle of life.

However, at the risk of sounding like a middle-aged grump, it would be nice if we’d replace them with actual football venues instead of these theme parks where the on-field action is the 15th most important game day activity. If I’m leaving a Cowboy game with my son I’d rather explain Dak Prescott’s three interceptions instead of how Jerry Jones got those dancing girls up on those poles.

Anyway, here are the powerhouse predictions and larcenous locks you can take right to the bank and cash ’em in.

• Browns beat Packers. No 0-16 for Cleveland as Kizer rolls, Hundley folds.
• Eli Manning will drop Ben McAdoo off at the unemployment office. It’s a running stop, McAdoo tumbles out and breaks his mustache.
• The Foam Dome makes a comeback. Two beers attached to helmet with straws? How did this ever go away?
• You won’t forget when the new Star Wars movie comes out. Did Disney miss even one chance to cross promote it? You’re seeing Stormtroopers in your sleep instead of Gronk.
• The “turf monster” leads the Chiefs in tackles. K.C. defenders: contact-averse.

• 35,000: Steps on Russell Wilson’s Fitbit after an afternoon of running for his life avoiding the Jaguar pass rush.
• 2: Shows Terry Bradshaw & Michael Strahan are suspended for using Jay Glazer as a football during a pre-game demo segment.
• 2.5: Times the Jets run a jet sweep.
• 3: Times Titans’ coach Mike Mularkey is caught on-air picking his nose vs. Cardinals. It’s a dry heat.