"I don't get why people have an issue with them. They're pretty good," Peters told reporters, likely during a psychotic break.

“Yeah, I might have gotten a bit heavy-handed,” he told reporters while hoisting up a six-foot-tall plastic mummy. “But I just got into the spirit of the holiday I guess.”

While cleaning out his gutters over the weekend, local father of three Dan Williamson managed to almost fall and suffer grave injuries only five times throughout the three-hour ordeal. “Honestly, I felt pretty safe up there today,” Williamson stated, despite at one point wobbling on his ladder and only saving himself by catching the edge

As temperatures begin to drop, and trees begin to see their leaves change color, dads nationwide are preparing for leaf-blowing season.

"People assume that I go to thrift shops and buy old shirts, but ironically, that's not true," Harold told reporters. "I've just picked them up along the way. And at a certain point, you've got enough t-shirts, and don't really need to buy new ones, you know?"