With insider information so inside, you’ll wonder if we have Adam Schefter’s phone bugged and spies planted in those blue sideline triage tents. Here are the top picks of the week.
- The Raiders (+11) over the Steelers. Pittsburgh travels west worse than the Griswolds (.358 won/loss % since 1970*) and, while the Raiders are the Wally World of the NFL, enough of their players haven’t quit quite yet on Gruden 2.0 to at least trip and tickle Big Ben enough to make the Steelers earn a 31-21 win.
- The Saints (-8) over the Bucs. Three things working against Tampa Bay here:
1 – Revenge Factor as they beat the Saints in week one.
2 – New Orleans is coming off a national TV embarrassment loss to Dallas where Drew Brees didn’t crack 150 yards passing.
3 – Buccaneer players have admitted the stadium pirate cannons that are shot off after they score are scary and loud.
Saints 48, Yuccaneers 21.
- The Giants (+1.5) vs. the Redskins. Two Washington QBs have gone down with broken legs this season. The only advantage Eli Manning has over an opposing QB at this point is the ability to not break his legs. He tosses enough granny-style passes to OBJ and Barkley to lead N.Y. to a 28-20 victory over Mark Sanchez & Company. The Football Gods will not allow Mark Sanchez to win you a football game in 2018.
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT BETTING ‘EM
- The Lions (-2.5) vs. the Cardinals. Per Las Vegas legend Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder and his Golden Gambling Rule Book: Never take the Lions giving points in December west of the Mississippi no matter how inept the opponent. Detroit 9-7.
- The Vikings (+3.5) vs. the Seahawks. Revitalized Seattle is rolling so confidently lately that the only play they practiced this week was the victory kneel down. Seahawks 35, Minnesota 30.
- The Eagles (+4) vs. the Cowboys. The defending champs Super Blow while the Dallas “D” is starting to look like their famed Doomsday units of the late ‘70’s. Cowboys cruise 28-10.
THE PERSON WHO NEEDS 12 BEERS THE MOST
Aaron Rodgers, Packers QB and future Hall of Famer. Get the man nine New Glarus Spotted Cows, he just lost at home to Arizona. And, despite being hamstrung by a front office that gave him “playmakers” like Ty Montgomery and other guys who are bad at football and questionable play calling by the just fired possible man-zombie-human tuba Mike McCarthy, the Packers won’t let him choose his next head coach.
THE BO JACKSON TECMO BOWL FANTASY FOOTBALL PICK OF THE WEEK
Josh Allen, QB, Bills. Has there ever been a more dynamic double threat rookie signal caller? He passes like Montana and runs like Vick. Earlier this season the Jets gave up 41 points to the Bills behind a 3rd string QB, expect QB1 to nuke New York and pile up at least 35 points in a standard scoring league.
*- Source: Pro Football Reference.