With insider information so inside, you’ll wonder if we have Adam Schefter’s phone bugged and spies planted in those blue sideline triage tents. Here are the top picks of the week.
- The over (63.5) on the Rams/Chiefs game. It’s the bi-annual semi-weekly NFL game of the century. It features two 8-1 teams. It also features the highest O/U total since the forward pass was invented*. But the game features the best two forward passing proper gentlemen of the day (Sir Patrick Mahomes and Lord Jared Goff) and the boys are up to the task. They’ll have the over covered by the end of the third quarter. Rams 55, Chiefs 49.
- The Texans (-3) over the Redskins. Washington’s offensive line is more banged up than a group of guys the morning after a bachelor party. Not ideal when the #1 ranked defensive line tag team of J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney are coming to town. Even the Secret Service can’t protect Alex Smith as Houston hoots and hollers their way to a 31-10 victory.
- The Saints (-8) vs. the Eagles. If any team can overcome the devastating loss of Dez Bryant, it would be the explosive Saints. Look for Michael Thomas to more than make up for Bryant’s zero production in a big win over the defending champs, New Orleans 35-23.
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT BETTING ‘EM
- The Steelers (-5.5) vs. the Jaguars. No team is more capable of going 0 to 50 points like the Steelers (see last Thursday vs. Carolina) and then going 50 to 0 the next week. Yes, this game screams Big Ben train wreck as the emotionally unstable Steelers finally crack knowing for certain Le’Veon Bell will never play for them again. Jax 34-0.
- The Vikings (+3) vs. the Bears. Chicago is in the top five in both scoring offense and scoring defense, Bear Brrrrrrrr weather has come early to the Windy City and Kirk Cousins tweeted and taunted Bear fans saying how he thinks hot dogs taste better with ketchup than mustard and that anyone who disagrees is stupid. Big mistake Kirk, a game where the anger of the home crowd physically defeats the visitors: Bears 20, Vikings 3.
- The Packers (+2.5) vs. the Seahawks. Aaron Rodgers only has two houses of horror in his life: his estranged parents’ home and Stadium Seahawk (see: Fail Mary and the 2015 NFC Championship Game). The Classic Dad Pigskin Algorithm App projects a 28-20 Seattle victory.
THE PERSON WHO NEEDS 12 BEERS THE MOST
Nathan Peterman, ex-Bills person who lined up under center (you can’t call what he did quarterbacking). Even he had to be wondering why the Bills didn’t cut him as his interceptions rained down on an NFL that’s never been more QB friendly. And the first game without him, Buffalo scored 41 points behind a passer who hadn’t played in over a year. Nate, Natural Light now sells a 77-pack. Get two or six for the weekend.
THE BO JACKSON TECMO BOWL FANTASY FOOTBALL PICK OF THE WEEK
Cam Newton, QB, Panthers. The Lions will likely be missing their top cornerback and they’ve only registered two hits on opposing QBs the past two weeks. Cam runs like a gazelle. And, in a reversal of nature, Gazelle Newton eats the Lions (racking up at least 37.4 fantasy points).
*- Research indicates the forward pass was invented by Dan Marino of the Miami Dolphins in 1984. Source – Dan Marino: My Life in Football (2007).