Classic Dad’s NFL Week 3 Betting Guide

September 20, 2018

With insider information so inside you’ll wonder if we have Adam Schefter’s phone bugged and spies planted in those blue sideline triage tents, here are the top picks of the week.

BET ‘EM

The over on Khalil Mack sacks (3.5) vs. Arizona. The home team that plays in a retirement community fields a roster of players just as vested in playing football as Vontae Davis. Mack might blitz the coin toss.
Dolphins (-4.5) over the Raiders. Inside sources indicate Jon Gruden has already contacted Corona, Hooters and ESPN about getting his old jobs back. Think how good it would be to work for Corona, Hooters and ESPN.

DON’T EVEN THINK OF BETTING ‘EM

The over (8.5) on games played by Josh Gordon for the Pats. Yes, “The Hoodie” could convert Luke Skywalker to the Dark Side, but no way he keeps Gordon from “pulling another hamstring” at a “non-team sanctioned photo shoot” before the Pats’ fifth or six game.
Tampa Bay (+3) vs. Pittsburgh. The Buccaneers are hot. Each day in the Steel City has more drama than an episode of The Bachelor. You might be tempted to sign up for another week of FitzMagic. HOWEVER, there is no man less romantic than Ben Big Burger, he’ll keep his rose and go home with a big Steeler upset.
The over (1.5) on fights in the stands during the LA Rams/LA Chargers game. In laid back LA, a chess match between USC and UCLA generates more fan animosity than this battle of transplanted teams.

THE MAN WHO NEEDS 12 BEERS THE MOST

Matt Patricia, Lions. The first-year head coach is already 0-2 and about to face his old boss. You can’t hide behind a big, thick beard, but you can drink a lot of beer and wipe up any beer and tears you spill on the bar with that beard. And after this game, there will be much to cry about for Mr. Patricia.

THE BO JACKSON TECMO BOWL FANTASY FOOTBALL PICK OF THE WEEK

Get this guy on one of those daily fantasy sites and he’ll single-handedly win you a mint: Dalvin Cook, RB, Minnesota Vikings. The 2nd year back is off to a slow start to the season, but the Buffalo Bill front 7 looks softer than a single ply roll of toilet paper that fell in the bathtub.