Classic Dad NFL Predictions — Week 16, 2017

December 20, 2017

Well, the holiday season is about to reach its climax and one must wonder: is there such a thing as too much of a good thing?

I’m speaking of course about all the extra games on Thursdays and Saturdays, often confusing us with where to find them while annoying us with bad matchups.

I mean, is it on NBC and/or the NFL Network or even streamed on Twitter? Do I watch Colts/Ravens Saturday evening featuring the worst two announcers the network has (guys that forgot to request Christmas Eve Eve off) or spend some quality time with the family?

NFL, please learn a lesson from the colleges and their absurd amount of bowl games we all tune out, it’s just too much pigskin. Make football special again! From now on (aside from Thanksgiving) let’s go back to only playing Sunday/Monday games please.

Yes, like most dads, we pretty much know everything so here are the gift-wrapped predictions and stocking stuffer locks you can take right to the bank and cash ’em in.

• Browns and Bears tie. All female siblings in those cities might want to leave town for a while.
• The Carolina Panthers franchise shows up as part of a Price is Right/Showcase Showdown package. The contestant will over-bid and lose.
• Gronk disciplined for behavior at Patriots’ holiday party. After drinking a whole bowl of his famous Eggnog-kowski.
• Bacon wrapped anything. If you can wrap the whole holiday ham or turkey in bacon, do it!
• Rex Ryan will play Santa on this week’s ESPN NFL Countdown. Santa never cussed so much.

• 2.5: Muscles you pull playing in the snow with the kids over their winter break.
• 3rd quarter: Jay Cutler finally just says screw it, leaves the game, puts on a mink coat and goes out for some fine KC BBQ.
• 10: Presents under Steve Young’s Christmas Route Tree. Another SLUGGO (slant and go route)? Yay!
• 35: Batteries Philly fans throw at Santa on Christmas Day.
• 18: New mock drafts Mel Kiper, Jr. comes up with during college bowl season.