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Satire

Local Dad Has Mowed Lawn 5 Times Already This Week

As spring has finally arrived, and with most Americans spending much of their time at home, local dad Aaron Francis has already mowed his lawn five times this week. “Well, first I mowed it because I hadn’t mowed for a bit, and it was a nice day,” Francis told reporters. “The second time, I realized

  • May 7, 2020
Local Dad Has Mowed Lawn 5 Times Already This Week May 7, 2020
Satire

Local Man Has Seen Every Movie On Netflix

After spending the last six weeks adhering to shelter-in-place guidelines, 34-year-old Chicago resident Jim Godfrey has announced that he’s officially seen every movie that exists on Netflix. “I didn’t think it was possible,” Godfrey told reporters over Zoom. “But then again I didn’t think it would be possible to stay inside for two months straight.

  • April 30, 2020
Local Man Has Seen Every Movie On Netflix April 30, 2020
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National Dad Council Approves Whiskey-Spiked Coffee In Zoom Meetings

In a vote that was nearly unanimous, the National Dad Council has ruled in favor of whiskey-spiked coffee during all video conference meetings. “This is both a historic and obvious ruling,” said Todd Benson, Chairman of the NDC. “It just makes sense for men to enjoy whiskey in their coffee regardless of whether they’re supposed

  • April 29, 2020
National Dad Council Approves Whiskey-Spiked Coffee In Zoom Meetings April 29, 2020
Satire

Dad Keeps Making “What Day Is It?” Joke

As he’s been spending more time at home working remotely, local dad Aaron Benson has started making jokes about how the days seem to run together and have no distinctive characteristics. “Hey, hey, what day is it?” Benson was heard asking his teenage son for the fourth time. “Is it Tuesday or Saturday? No one

  • April 24, 2020
Dad Keeps Making “What Day Is It?” Joke April 24, 2020
Satire

Local Dad Insists Golf Counts As Social Distancing

While most public places across the nation have been closed as part of various shelter-in-place orders, 47-year-old father of two Jonathan Frier has determined that going for between 18 and 36 holes of golf in a single day is his way to “socially distance.” “Listen, I’m supposed to stay six feet away from people, and

  • April 17, 2020
Local Dad Insists Golf Counts As Social Distancing April 17, 2020
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