Dad Rule: Dad Is The Top Golf Caddy

May 8, 2018

It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.

Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Daddy is the top caddy.

Fore! Spring might actually be here, and it’s finally warm enough to hit the links.

But after a long winter, your golf game could be a little rusty. Is it time to get a lesson from the local club “pro” who’s afraid to watch the Golf Channel as he finds their tutorial programs confusing and bewildering? Nope, if it’s total consciousness on the course you desire, dad is your guru of the greens.

Dad will turn you from a duffer to a fundamentally sound scratch player in the time it takes John Daly to get married and divorced and drunk and lose $10,000 at blackjack and record a country music album (about a week or so). He’ll make your backswing so beautiful, the beer cart girl will ignore all the other golfers on the course to follow you around as your own personal bartender.

Need more convincing? Then please digest the top four reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad can take three strokes off your game with just a few simple wardrobe adjustments. Caddyshack compliant!
2 – Dad is 340 under par for his career on holes with windmills or giant scary clowns.
3 – Dad’s golf cart driving skill is so excellent, he can win a NASCAR race driving one.
4 – The only time dad hits one in the drink, it’s on the 19th hole and he’ll always pick up the tab.