It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.
Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad is the top sports oddsmaker.
Thank you, Supreme Court, for clearing the way to an America where sports gaming will finally be legit. On the up and up, as it always should have been.
We’ll have a sports book on every corner, and every hard-working citizen will be able leave the office and lay down a sawbuck on their favorite team that night. Game on! And this will lead to hours of gambling shows on all the major sports channels (and whatever FS1 is) with advice and angles from lots of guys with wispy mustaches and cigars.
Dad is the man when it comes to predictions and probabilities in the world of the point spread. Should you take that road dog giving double-digits to their biggest rival? Dad says, “woof woof.” As sure as a pooch can smell a meat snack, dad can sniff out a major upset. Learn at the foot of dad, he who gave Bugsy Segal nightmares when he was setting up Las Vegas for the mob.
Dad -4 Danny Sheridan
Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad knew Tyson was going to lose that fight in Tokyo to Buster Douglas, he had inside info Iron Mike had some bad sushi the night before.
2 – Dad’s so good at handicapping the horses, Triple Crown threat Justify calls him for racing advice.
3 – Dad put himself through grad school with his Jai Alai winnings.
4 – Dad actually understands those complex baseball betting lines and will admit to the commissioner he bet on baseball. Hall of Famer!
5 – Instead of seeing the Jedi ghosts of Yoda, Obi-Wan and Anakin Skywalker at the end of Return of the Jedi, dad sees the ghost of Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder. Take the Bears giving 6 to the Lions.