Satire

Dad Shatters World Record, Completes Trip To Hardware Store In 3 Hours

Shattering the previous world record by nearly two full hours, 48-year-old father-of-three Johnathan Fielder shocked dads everywhere by completing a trip to the hardware store in only three hours. Fielder’s shopping expedition, which involved $70 of purchases and an hour and a half of “talking shop” with the cashier, shocked many, especially his wife Karen.

Dad Shatters World Record, Completes Trip To Hardware Store In 3 Hours
Satire

Local man becomes first dad ever to buy non-white sneakers

Austin, Texas — At first glance, 43-year-old father of four and avid lawn enthusiast Bob Jensen might look like your average guy, but the Texas native made history Thursday afternoon when he became the first dad ever to purchase non-white sneakers. “Obviously I went to the store planning to pick up my 23rd straight pair

Local man becomes first dad ever to buy non-white sneakers
Satire

Report: Stubborn Dads Make Up 98% Of Mapquest Users

In a new study of internet patterns, it has been revealed that of all the users of the online mapping service Mapquest, 98% are stubborn dads who refuse to try anything else. According to the report, the average Mapquest user has two children, has been using Mapquest since the late 90s, and insists that it’s

Report: Stubborn Dads Make Up 98% Of Mapquest Users
Satire

Local Dad Now Keeping Little Magnifying Glass In Wallet

Explaining at every possible opportunity that his eyes just don’t work like they used to, 41-year-old father-of-three Brian Harkley has started carrying a small magnifying glass in his wallet, primarily to help him decipher restaurant checks. Harkley refuses to consider bifocal lenses, which he considers “for old men,” and instead swears by his miniature magnifying

Local Dad Now Keeping Little Magnifying Glass In Wallet
Satire

Dad Considers Disowning Son After He Discovers Oil Change Receipt

Intense squabbling has broken out in the Jackson household as Gregory, father of 17-year-old Trevor, has found a receipt confirming that his son took his car in to a local mechanic to get an oil change. “How could you do this?” Mr. Jackson demanded, pointing to the piece of paper indicating a $40 dollar payment

Dad Considers Disowning Son After He Discovers Oil Change Receipt