Satire

Local Man’s Fantasy Team Already Hopelessly In Last Place

Despite only having played one week of fantasy football so far this season, Philadelphia resident Frank Burton is already firmly and hopelessly in last place in his standard 12-team non-PPR fantasy football league. “I know it’s early, but I’m pretty much screwed,” Burton told reporters shortly after his embarrassing 42-109 loss in week one that

Local Man’s Fantasy Team Already Hopelessly In Last Place
Satire

Neighbor’s Gutters Now 80% Leaves

According to credible sources, Michael Stratsford has not cleaned out his gutters in so long that they are essentially 80% leaves at this point. Other nearby residents have taken notice, including one who pointed out, “I mean, I get that it’s a pain to climb up and clean those gutters out, but when there’s that

Neighbor’s Gutters Now 80% Leaves
Satire

Man Decides to “Treat” Himself With Shrimp Flavored Ramen

While considering his dining options for the evening, Whiting, Indiana resident Tyler Ardor, 23, decided to “treat himself” by dining on a shrimp-flavored packet of Maruchan Ramen noodles he had been “saving for a special occasion.” “You know, I was thinking of maybe doing the beef packet with like, a squirt of Sriracha to give

Man Decides to “Treat” Himself With Shrimp Flavored Ramen
Satire

Dad Won’t Stop Talking About His $15 Digital Watch

After making a purchase at a local Shell gas station, Huntsville, Alabama father of four Steven Wallburn has been unable to stop telling family and friends about the “great deal” he got on his new $15 digital watch. “I mean, you’d have to imagine just the battery for this thing costs 15 bucks, right?” Wallburn

Dad Won’t Stop Talking About His $15 Digital Watch
Satire

Local Guy’s Mustache Upgraded To Beard

After years of only leaving his upper lip unshaven on any given day, 38-year-old Portland, Maine resident Richard Bresslin has decided to upgrade from a mustache to a full-on beard. Bresslin, who has made the fashion choice of growing and maintaining a mustache since freshman year of college, told reporters that while the decision was

Local Guy’s Mustache Upgraded To Beard