Jeff G, Author at Classic Dad

Satire

Dad Proudly Owns Just Two Suits

According to family and friends, father-of-three Jeremy Heckle, 44, proudly owns just two suits. Heckle, who works as a mechanic, insists that he has the “perfect” number of suits, and that “if you take care of your suit, it’ll last a lifetime.” Heckle claims that he wears one suit, a brown ensemble purchased in the

March 8, 2019

Satire

Man Considers Taco Bell To Be International Cuisine

Much to the confusion and concern of his friends and family, 28-year-old Chad Brimsley apparently considers the fast food chain Taco Bell “international cuisine.” “Yeah, it’s a bit worrisome,” his roommate told reporters. “Like, when people ask him what kind of restaurants he likes, he’ll be like ‘oh, you know mostly burger and hot dog

February 27, 2019

Satire

Treadmill Officially Downgraded To Coat Hanger

Two years after its purchase by 43-year-old Brent Richards, the household’s NordicTrack Commercial 1750 has officially been downgraded from “treadmill” to “coat hanger.” The treadmill, which was originally used upwards of four times a week, has not been used in months, with clothes and coats slowly piling up on it, making its functionality as a

February 27, 2019

Satire

Friend Totally Has “The Best Idea Ever” For A Bar

While catching up with his old college roommate, George Frederick, 29, declared that he totally had the best idea for a bar and that “we should totally go in on this together.” Frederick, whose bar will include “like 20 beers on tap, and a bunch of super high end whiskeys” was adamant that his idea

February 19, 2019

Satire

Dad Tries To Hide Terror While Teaching Son To Drive

John Faris, a 46-year-old father of two in Oak Brook, Illinois, was recently spotted in the passenger seat of his 2012 Ford Taurus, barely concealing his pure unadulterated terror while teaching his 15-year-old son how to drive. “Now, keep your eyes on the road and OKAY BRAKE HIT THE BRAKES,” he was heard shouting as

February 19, 2019