8 Home Remedies Dads Use To Avoid The Doctor

September 1, 2017

Your dad is not a doctor. Unless your dad actually is a doctor, but even if that’s the case, when he or someone in the family gets sick, his medical training will be useless. Instead he, like all dads, will rely on dad medicine. Home remedies that only work through the sheer power of dad faith and the placebo effect. Because, hey, doctor appointments are expensive, and why bother with stitches when there’s a perfectly good roll of duct tape in the house? Here are eight fail-proof* remedies for common ailments, according to dad.

*Not actually fail-proof. We have exactly zero doctors on staff here, do not listen to us for actual medical advice.

Chicken Noodle Soup For The Flu

This one is of course a classic. Every dad has like 12 cans of Campbell’s Condensed Chicken Noodle Soup that were purchased in 2002 specifically for whenever he or one of his kids gets sick. You might be cracking a fever of 108, but he’ll insist that all you need is a little chicken noodle soup to get you back to normal.

Upset Stomach? Try Some Stale 7-Up

“Stomach acting up? Here, just take a sip of this bottle of 7-Up that was first cracked open three weeks ago. There, all better.”

Who Needs A Cast (Or Sling) When You Have Duct Tape?

Via Instructables.com

Honey In Everything

There are articles out there about all the amazing health and healing benefits of honey. Unfortunately, your dad read those articles and took them way too seriously. Sore throat? Put some honey in some tea. Allergies? Some honey’ll do the trick. Cut off your left hand with a bandsaw? Dab some honey on the stump, it’ll stave off infection. Honey honey honey.

Frozen Peas For Injuries

Your foot could be hanging off your ankle by a thread and your dad’s first response would be, “Doesn’t take a doctor to tell that’s a sprain. Here’s a bag of frozen peas that is always in the freezer even though we have not eaten peas for dinner in the past year. That’ll do the trick.”

NyQuil For Everything

NyQuil exists to help alleviate some symptoms of the common cold, while knocking you into a coma with some weird dreams for eight solid hours. But to dads, NyQuil is a magic elixir, able to treat and cure every possible ailment, instantly.

Cold-Eeze…Also For Everything

Granted, this could just as easily be any of the “immunity boosters” on the market, but Cold-Eeze, a zinc lozenge that makes everything taste like pennies for the rest of the day, is one of those products that dads will swear by. “The moment I feel a cold coming on, I start popping these zinc pills.”

Walk It Off

Of course, for most injuries, the ultimate dad response is to just walk it off. “Come on, get that broken foot moving, it’ll be back to normal in no time.” Of course it will, dad. Of course it will.