9 Ways Apple’s Product Launches At WWDC 2017 Will Confuse Dads

June 8, 2017

This week, Apple made a series of announcements at WWDC 2017, basically mapping out the immediate future for the company. Among the announcements, the biggest was the Apple HomePod, essentially Apple’s response to the Google Home and the Amazon Echo. We’re not tech writers here, so we’re not going to map out all the new changes. But we are dad writers, so we’ll let you know the nine ways these changes are going to completely confound your dad.

Literally Everything About Apple HomePod

The whole “personal assistant AI” thing is just begging every dad to bother their kids because “it keeps turning on randomly, how do I stop it from doing that?” It’s too early to know how the Apple HomePod will stack up to its competition, but we’ve seen how dads both geek out over, and have no idea how to use, Alexa, so we’re pretty sure there’ll be a learning curve for dads for that’ll last about, oh, let’s say 30 years.

The Fact That A New Macbook Pro Will Now Cost $5,000

$5,000 is a lot of money to spend on a computer, and your dad will have no idea how Apple can justify that cost. “You can practically buy a used car for that much money,” he’ll say. “And I can get a lot more use out of a used car than I can out of some fancy computer.”

Amazon Prime Content On Apple TV

Now, your dad probably has two main things for watching TV shows: cable TV, because dads will be the last people on Earth to cut cords, and a Netflix account that you have the password to. So Apple TV is something that on its own will go way over his head. But when he hears that Amazon, a competitor of Apple, is letting its programming go on the Apple TV, he’ll be confused. Hell, he’s already confused that Amazon is now a competitor with Apple, since he has Amazon Prime but still hasn’t used it to watch any TV shows. He just likes that free shipping.

Updates To The Apple Watch

Apple announced that the Apple Watch will have some updates to its watch face, integrating Siri and letting you interact with your apps more seamlessly. Your dad won’t bother hearing about that, since he’s still confused why Apple Watch is a thing. “I got a perfectly fine watch right here, and I got a phone already, why do I need a phone on my watch?”

Removing Of Facebook and Twitter Integration From iPhones

Apple (quietly) announced that they will be removing Facebook and Twitter integration from their OS, which means that your dad is going to be confused and livid when it’s slightly different to use those apps on his phone. Expect a lot of angry and confused texts asking you how to “fix it.”

Screen Recording

You know how you can take a screenshot? Well now you can take a screenshot that is a video. Basically, you can record a video of what you are doing on your phone. You might find that useful at some point. Your dad will have no idea the function exists until he accidentally activates the screen record and can’t figure out how to turn it off.

Apple Pay Through Messages

Users will now have the option of paying someone through their message app using Apple Pay and Apple Wallet. This is something you absolutely should not tell your dad about, because when he hears about it he will decide to set up Apple Pay for things like paying for his kids’ flights back from college. It will take him eight hours of back and forth emails with you before he even gets it started, and you’ll get a call about how it “isn’t working” the first time he incorrectly tries to use it. Just let him be ignorant of this feature.

Redesigned Control Center

The control center looks completely different. Your dad is not going to like this one bit.

New Augmented Reality Capabilities

Apple has made improvements in its Augmented Reality to make it easier for VR apps and features to be created for the iPhone. This will of course confuse, and even frighten, your dad, though he’ll probably end up getting really into it. But that won’t change the fact that in a few months, when Apple rolls out all its changes, your dad is going to be so lost. Have patience, he’ll catch up eventually. Probably. Maybe.