Dangerous Chores Dad Does Himself (But Shouldn’t)

April 29, 2017

Every dad is a handyman, even though, if we’re being honest, most dads aren’t that handy, man. But it’s a point of pride for them, like not asking for directions unless it’s from Waze, or knowing just the right way to really embarrass their kids. However, some of the chores they decide to do…are best left to the professionals. Here are eight.

Replacing Windows

It’s Spring, and that means your dad will replace his insulated windows with screen windows. It also means he will dangle over certain death to do so. It’s just a matter of time before he falls. He should really look into at least turning that into a two-man job.

Cleaning Gutters

Cleaning gutters is like replacing a window, only more likely to lead to you falling and breaking your everything. But dads insist they do it, even though they know there’s a 15% chance it’ll end up with them in traction.

Chopping Down Trees

If a tree on the lawn has died, it means dad has an excuse to chop it down with a chainsaw. While we totally understand that impulse, it’s pretty much the most dangerous thing a dad can do. If the tree ends up flattening the family sedan in the parking lot, that’s honestly one of the better ways it can go.

Electrical Work

If an outlet shorts, or something goes awry with your house’s wiring, your dad will think that he can save himself a phone call to the electrician. He should not. He has no idea what he is doing. This is a bad idea.

Installing Air Conditioners

If your home doesn’t have central air, and you’re one of those families that has to rely on window units, your dad will insist on carrying those up and installing them himself, hernias and bulging discs be damned. He should at least ask someone to help him lug it up, but he won’t, because dads can be kind of dumb sometimes.

Anything With A Woodchipper

Your dad will want to clear out downed branches and, well, anything he can in a woodchipper. He will make a joke about Fargo as he uses it, but the entire time you will stare, horrified, waiting for him to slice off his hand.

Varnishing Anything

Really, any time your dad buys varnish, it’s a bad idea. He will not be able to apply it correctly, and no matter what he’s working on, it’ll end up looking like crap. But you can’t tell your dad that, because he’ll take it like a challenge. “Oh we’ll see about that!” he’ll say before ruining the coffee table in an attempt to get a single water stain buffed out of it.

Cleaning the House

This isn’t really so much dangerous as it is something that dad is bad at. If you want a really half-assed cleaning job, ask dad to do it. But really, you’re just better off hiring a maid to come in.