Best Places To Nap, Ranked By Dads

March 14, 2017

Everyone loves a good nap. It’s comfortable, refreshing, and generally keeps you in good spirits. But while everyone naps, no one naps well quite like a dad. With that in mind, here’s a list of napping locations, as ranked by dads, from worst to best.

9: Ground Outside (No Sleeping Bag)

If you’re sleeping outside on the ground, you’ve either fallen asleep while sunning in a park, or you passed out drunk somewhere. Either way, it’s not the best napping location. If you don’t kink your back, you’ll definitely get sunburned in random places, and no matter how much you try you’ll never get rid of all the grass that’s stuck itself to your shirt and pants. This is a bad nap.

8: Ground Outside (Sleeping Bag)

Pros: Sleeping bag provides some level of cushioning from the ground, and limits the amount of dirt and grass to get on your clothes.

Cons: Likely to overheat you, and definitely a pain in the ass to climb in and out of.

Listen, we all know that dads love camping, but the “sleeping in a sleeping bag” part of it is not one of the reasons why.

7: Floor

Sleeping on the floor at least means you made it inside, but if you see someone napping on the floor, you’re going to have a lot more urgent questions than answers. Why the floor? Was sleeping so urgent he couldn’t find anywhere better to sleep? This will probably mess with your back, and will definitely make people wonder if you passed out due to some sort of medical condition. Not the best spot to rest.

6: Chair (Non-Rocking)

This is brutal. A nap on a regular upright chair is an act of sleep desperation. Like taking a nap on a plane during a flight. It’s absolutely brutal. Not a good nap.

5: Bed

Surprisingly low on the list is the bed nap. You’d think a bed would be great for a nap, what with it being what we sleep on most of the time, but that’s actually where it suffers. Sleeping on a bed is comfortable, but our bodies associate it with sleeping at the end of the night. Any short nap ends up leaving you disoriented and confused. Beds are great for sleeping, but only mediocre for napping.

4: Chair (Rocking)

The rocking chair takes us to the upper tier of napping. There’s something soothing about rocking back and forth, and even though your neck might not thank you afterwards, it does lull you to a peaceful nap state. You put a rocking chair on a porch, maybe with a copy of the New Yorker, and you’ve got a dad sanctuary.

2: Couch

The couch is comfortable, inviting, allows you to keep beer within an arm’s reach, and is usually situated in front of a TV. Plus, it affords you the chance to lay down all the way. All of these are prime napping features, even though nine times out of ten your dad’s going to mess up his back sleeping on one.

2: Recliner

Recliners are okay for moms, too.

Recliners are custom made for napping as well as dads. They don’t even need to be crazy fancy to be perfect for napping, though let’s be real you’re going to at least want a cup holder on there. Just plop a dad in front of a TV, pull back the recliner, and watch him nap away the day in comfortable recumbent bliss. However, as far as dads are concerned, there’s only one perfect place to nap. And that’s…

1: Hammock

Listen, you’re not going to top a hammock for napping, so don’t even try. The hammock is literally the perfect napping location. It’s comfortable, it’s relaxing, it puts you out in nature, literally three of dad’s favorite things. A dad could spend a week in a hammock (without beer even!) and not complain. It’s truly a magical thing.

Hammock naps for life.