8 Recreational Sports Dad Can Still Beat You At

February 24, 2017

As we’ve seen every time a running back hits 30 and drops off the face of the Earth, the older we get, the tougher certain athletic feats might be to accomplish. This is especially true for dads. Sure, dad was the quarterback of his high school football team, but that was forever ago, and he definitely doesn’t have the strength or speed he did back then.

But no matter how old dad gets, he’ll always beat you at the following recreational sports.

H.O.R.S.E.

There comes a time in every child’s life when they first beat their dad in a game of one-on-one basketball. Maybe it’s a lucky three pointer, maybe dad gets tripped up on the final play, but the victory is always dramatic, and satisfying.

Then, dad asks to play H.O.R.S.E. for the rematch. Game over. Dads play H.O.R.S.E. better and more viciously than any NBA player. He’s calling bank shots, swishing blind backward attempts, and wrapping things up in a bow before he even gets to O.

Flag/Touch Football

Once you take tackling out of the equation, dads play flag or touch football better than anyone. They’re slippery out there, and they map out plays like their John goddamn Madden. Dads playing flag football show no mercy, and take no prisoners. They will win at any cost.

Catch

If you think catch isn’t a competitive sport, you haven’t played and lost to your dad. Let’s just say black eyes and a lot of “you gotta get your glove up quicker” talk is involved.

Bowling

Not only are all dads able to throw strikes where the ball does that crazy curve thing, but they even know how to score it without the help of computers.

Cornhole

Any “sport” that involves standing idly with a beer in your hand while you try to toss something at a target is something that dads invented specifically so they could always beat their children at it. Cornhole teams with dads on them win roughly 105% of the time.

Fishing

No matter how often you tell your dad that fishing isn’t a sport, he won’t believe you, so you might as well cede the point. And yes, he will be the only one who catches anything the entire day you spend out on the boat with him.

Dodgeball

We now take a break from our article to list the 5 most deadly predators in the world, ranked.

5: Grey Wolf

4: Grizzly Bear

3: Siberian Tiger

2: African Lion

1: Dad, playing against you in a Dodgeball game.

And it’s not even close.

Softball

Dad is a softball God, and he can never be vanquished. He’ll pitch, because that doesn’t require him to move around that much, and he’ll crush a home run in every at bat. The first time, everyone plays him too far in, and he makes them pay. But after each at bat, with the outfield further and further back, dad will just launch it even farther. If men’s recreational softball was an Olympic sport, you’d just need to field 10 dads to be guaranteed a gold.