The 7 Most Time-Tested, Classic Dad Names

August 8, 2018

There are names and there are dad names.

A good dad name is a load-bearing name, strong enough on its own to support a bookshelf full of manly books about grilling and sports. No offense to the fellas out there named Gunther, Tad or Elmer, but the time-tested dad names stands out as one to be honored and admired.

And here they are, in no particular order, the most classic dad names:

1 – Bill. Billy, William, Will, however you want to go, this one’s a classic. Bill is like good denim: strong, weathered and tough. 36 waist/32 inseam of course, dad-size.
2 – Al. Al is like good, tough leather. Al makes the sun cry for trying to burn him. Think of Al as Jack Palance’s character Curly in “City Slickers.”
3 – Ty. Be it Tyrus, Tyrone or Tyler, this moniker is the muscle car of dad names. More horsepower than a Ferrari.
4 – Dave. Who’s always going to have an extra extension cord you can borrow? Dave.
5 – Frank. True fact: Founding Father Ben “Franky” Franklin wanted to add “And thou shall be Frank & Honest for henceforth and such manner to all mankind” to the Bill of Rights, the Constitution, the Ten Commandments and the chorus to AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells” (yes, he was a founding father of our country and the Australian Rock band).
6 – John. Or “Jack.” Or “Big John.” Regardless, this name can handle 10 afternoon beers and still get all the yardwork done properly (even cleaning the gutter). Maybe 12 beers…field research is ongoing this summer.
7 – Bruce. One dad named Bruce can produce enough surplus testosterone in one day to power an entire colony of stoned Low T hipster slackers for a year. Bruce is a flannel shirt by the firepit enjoying a brat.

Honorable Mentions: Bob, Jose, Joe