Random Dad List: Favorite Stu’s Or Stew’s!

July 16, 2018

Summer. Hot. Humid. Or dry, if you chose to live in one of those states that still has deserts.

It’s basically three months (outside of Chicago, which gets 14 days) that can wear down the wits of even the stoutest dad. Thus even he, the awe-inspiring author of this column, can’t hit a funny bone homer every week. Sometimes he will “mail it in,” so to speak. Embarrassing effort!

But dad will, dear Dad Heads, promise you this: he won’t piss down your back and tell you it’s raining, he’ll admit when he put little or no thought into his work. This is one of those weeks. And here they are, in no particular order, dad’s favorite Stus/Stews:

1 – Beef Stew. Along with the beef, you get all the nutrition of a carrot with those carrots drowned in the sauce/gravy.
2 – Stewie from “Family Guy.” While dad disagrees with just about every dad decision Peter makes on this show, this talking baby is funny! Why does his head look like a football?
3 – Stu-pid. Like when something is so good, it’s bad. Dad’s humor is stupid! (sound of referee whistle): 15-yard penalty, illegal attempt at humor. Loss of column, back to writer’s workshop.
4 – Dave “Stew” Stewart (Oakland A’s pitcher 1986 – 1992). The death stare from this World Series MVP was the inspiration for dad’s “behave yourself” stare for the kids.
5 – Dave “Stew” Stewart (‘80’s pop band Eurythmics). Can you make a music stew? If anyone can, it’s this Stew!
6 – Stu from down the street. Unremarkable. Short. Pudgy. But he always has a cigar, a beer and a story to share. Stu-mendous!
7 – Patrick Stewart. The best Star Trek Captain.*
*Wow, what a horrible reach here. Well, time for a beer, it’s hot out.