Dad Rule: Dad Will Be The King Of The Post-Apocalypse

April 11, 2018

It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.

Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad will be king of the post-apocalypse.

Well those zombie/post-apocalyptic shows and movies sure are popular these days.

From The Walking Dead to Mad Max to Fox News, today’s television and movies sure seem to be leading us to believe the end of the world is near for all of us. Who will be the lucky/unlucky few to survive a near extinction-level event? How will they balance a life of foraging for food while also fighting off hoards of the undead? It’s a frightening forecast.

And then you go online and see endless volumes of doomsday content, how-to survival guides for barren wasteland Earth, etc.: What bugs and grubs are safe to eat in the wild? Are you Team Rick or Team Negan? Will Uber transition to horses and mules since we won’t have cars? Thankfully you don’t have to take a survivalist crash course to live, you just need dad. They don’t call him the Walking Dad for any reason, he’s three times as mad as Max and just as handsome!

Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – At 5th grade summer camp, he survived a week lost in the woods armed with only a Swiss Army knife, rusty compass, canteen full of water and an ‘80’s action movie-style bandana.
2 – Dad’s apocalypse beard will be able to deflect any type of arrow or bullet.
3 – Dad knows the secret cure to zombie-ism: just make them some coffee.
4 – When all the smart phones inevitably die, he’ll be able to time by the sun.
5 – Dad studied abroad a semester in the Australian outback, where he taught the native population more survival skills than they taught him.