Dad Rule: Dad Is What Baseball Is All About

March 26, 2018

It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.

Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad IS Baseball.

Play ball!

Take dad out to the ballgame, take dad out to the crowd. It’s almost Opening Day, where dads everywhere can, if only briefly, enjoy their favorite team not being mathematically eliminated from the pennant race (even those in San Diego!).

And, with all due respect to Mr. David Ortiz, dad is the real Big Papi for all things baseball related. He’s your go-to DH (Dad-signated Hitter). He’s never been pinched for PEDs, he doesn’t spill a drop while chugging a beer/ running out a triple in softball and he can teach you a knuckle ball that dances so well it will get a date to the prom.

Finally, dad’s movie collection contains the only five baseball movies anyone ever needs to know: Major League, The Sandlot, The Natural, Field of Dreams and The Bad News Bears.

Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Famous baseball video instructor Tom Emanski learned all his baseball drills from dad. Just ask Fred McGriff.
2 – Dad doesn’t know what a player’s WAR is and what it has to do with baseball and doesn’t care to know.
3 – Dad wears a batting helmet while showering instead of a shower cap.
4 – Dad can do the 9-inning hot dog and beer per inning challenge both games of a doubleheader (on those rare occasions a doubleheader occurs).
5 – Dad never wears batting gloves, building callouses optimal for catching foul balls at the ballpark (no self-respecting dad EVER wears a glove to a game).