Dad Rule: Dad Is Your Go-To Romance-ologist
Valentine’s Day Edition. It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.
Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad is your go-to romance-ologist.
Who wrote the Book of Love? Not dad, but he’s the main character in a few chapters (specifically the passion and yardwork chapters).
So, when it comes to Valentine’s Day romance, who do you trust? Some so-called love “expert” blogger who’s probably just an evil Russian fake news Facebook algorithm? No, you go to dad. Dad is 1-0 in marriage (or 1-1. Or 2-2, depending on how good his divorce lawyers are).
Point is he’s laid down the romance enough to be considered a champion of cuddling, and a legendary lothario in Dickie’s work pants.
Thusly, if you’re wondering what to do for your special lady on February 14th, take your pops out for a cup of coffee or cold brew and bend his ear on the subject. Next thing you know you’ll be at the pharmacy loading up on a bunch of items you don’t need to cover up the fact you’re also buying a box of condoms.
Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Aphrodite? Dad dated her a week in college before dumping her.
2 – Handyman dad can build his own Valentine’s Day gazebo.
3 – Little blue pill? All dad needs is a six pack of Miller High Life and some microwaved canned oysters for a remarkable night of amore lasting all hours of the evening (well, at least 10 o’clock, gotta work tomorrow).
4 – Dad took an archery class in high school and looks surprisingly sexy in a pink diaper.
5 – A flannel shirt combined with dad’s salt and pepper stubble is a known dad-frodisiac.
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