The holiday season is officially upon us. And in that month-and-change between Thanksgiving and Christmas, a dad has a lot to do. Or a lot he should do. So here is a dad’s holiday timeline.
The Day After Thanksgiving: On Black Friday, dad will be forced to get up in the middle of the night and take his family Black Friday shopping. He will hate this, and will not buy a single present, which he will come to regret later on.
The Weekend After Thanksgiving: It’s officially time to start putting up Christmas decorations. Especially Christmas lights, but especially Christmas lights. This will take the whole weekend. A lot of swearing will be involved.
The First Week Of December: Dad should be thinking about getting presents around this time. He will not.
The Second Week Of December: Dad should be thinking about getting presents around this time. Instead he will watch both the Charlie Brown Christmas Special and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer several times.
The Third Week Of December: Dad should be thinking about getting presents around this time. Instead, he will exclusively play Christmas music throughout the house.
The Week Of Christmas: Crap! Dad will now go about getting presents, only to be saved by the fact that his wife has purchased presents for everyone else, and he just needs to buy something for her.
Christmas Eve: Dad gets ready to stuff the stockings, put the kids to bed, and probably try on his Santa costume to see if it still fits.
Christmas Day: Dad will relish the role of distributing presents to the whole family, and will then promptly spend the rest of the day drinking beers and eating food. He’ll be forced to clean all the dishes, which will be the first actual holiday chore he will have done the whole season.
December 26th: Dad starts the countdown for the next holiday season, which can’t come fast enough.