The time has come, dear reader. Summer has ended and surrendered to the crisp northerly winds of autumn (in most of the country).
And thus, this dad space will be switching back to its award winning tackle football focus (but don’t worry, we’ll be back after some team beats weird dad/GQ model Tom Brady in the Super Bowl. Probably the Rams). But before we go, we’d like to share with you some of the top dads nominated for the 2019 Dad Hall Of Fame class. So here they are, in no particular order, a few of the outstanding standouts:
1 – John “Creaky Back” Blackwell, Toledo, Ohio – Ooo, he should have lifted with his legs, not his back, so his spine crackles like a breakfast cereal whenever he moves. But, in 1975, he discovered the perfect cycle of ibuprofen, alcohol and sore back dad grunting/grumbling to overcome the ailment and get all the housework/yardwork done in time for a steak dinner.
2 – Ned Benson, Santa Fe, New Mexico – The pioneer of the going bald dad who refuses to shave his head or get a rug or a “hair system” that’s probably transplanted follicles from his butt. Retro!
3 – Mort Stouffer, Boise, Idaho – The first dad to mow the lawn wearing his black dress socks. Now look at all the pro athletes copying this fashion forward movement.
4 – Henry Ford, Detroit, Michigan – First dad to “stop this car” and give the unruly kids in the back seat a what-for!
5 – Homer Simpson, Springfield, ???? – You think Cal Ripken, Jr.’s playing in 2,632 straight baseball games is impressive? Well this animated icon has had at least one donut for breakfast every day for 10,585 consecutive days. And amazingly his cholesterol has not gone up a single point.
6 – Don Peters, Bronx, New York – The first dad to catch a foul ball with a child strapped to his chest and a big beer in the other hand at a baseball game (during the first game of a double-header in 1978 between the Yanks & Cleveland). After the game Yankee owner George Steinbrenner signed him to a 10-year/$35 million contract.
7 – Artie Jankowski, Chicago, Illinois – Creator of the hit VHS “Dad Bod Diet and Workout” video. It out-sold Jane Fonda’s workout tape in the ‘80’s with such hits as “eating two hot dogs at the same time by using a hamburger bun” and “drinking a cold beer in a hot sauna.”