Top Dad Types Of The Last Century (It Makes Sense!)

August 29, 2018

Dads! There is no prototype.

Constructed on Dad Mountain by super elves with alien technology, they come in all shapes, styles, sizes and models.

Do they keep the Earth spinning on its axis properly? Probably. Can they solve science mysteries? You bet, without even looking at their smart phone. Wondrous! So here they are, in no particular order, some of the top dad models of the past century (and one surprise look into the future!):

1 – Jack Of All Dads – This exquisite specimen, found most commonly in the Midwest and Pacific Northwest, is basically a human Swiss Army Knife in plaid. He should not be approached in a home improvement store setting. He knows what he’s getting and where to find it.
2 – Batdad – The tights might not fit as well as they used to or at all, but when that Peeping Tom invades the cul-de-sac, he’s the first one out there with a heavy flashlight and those role playing handcuffs Batmom likes so much.
3 – Old Dad Of The Sea – Live bait. Language as salty as the sea itself. A beard hearty enough to absorb a tidal wave. This dad is at home in both salt and fresh water and doesn’t need proper bathing.
4 – Disco Dad! – Bad shirts with HUGE collars! Glitzy disco balls! Late nights with lots of libation. Which can lead to divorced dad. And then probably deadbeat dad. On second thought, this is not a good dad-o-type. Avoid becoming this dad.
5 – RoboDad (coming in 2046) – Part man. Part machine. All Dad. His Daily diet: one can of oil, one 12-pack of cold future beer and a steak puree. Finish your chores or there will be…trouble.
6 – The Dad Of Wall Street – Sharp-dressed. Hair so perfect it repels both wind and rain. The stock portfolio of a Nelson Rockefeller with the luxury SUV needed to get Biff, Jr. and Jodie to Young Investor & Future Insider Trader Summer Camp in Martha’s Vineyard separates this dad from most. The only design flaw: an almost fatal self-reliance on support personnel. Shame!
7 – Fred – If you need Fred, he’s at the bar. He’ll be home by 11 (in a cab of course).