8 Things Dad Needs For The Perfect NFL Sunday

August 10, 2018

Football season is almost here, which means dads everywhere are going to be completely immobile for about 12 hours each Sunday, whether their team is playing or not. It’s a relaxing time for dads, and a break from you having to hear dad jokes or get embarrassed in some loud way.

Yes, the NFL season is a nice break for father and family alike. But in order to make sure Sundays can go by with relative peace, you need to make sure your dad has the following.

Recliner

Naturally, dads need a comfortable recliner to watch their football games, and possibly nap through the boring ones that involve the Titans or Jaguars. Hopefully it’s not impossible to get out of, or dad is going to be shouting “beer me” about ten times each Sunday. But still, this is a must.

Big Screen TV

Another obvious item, a big TV is still extremely important. Part of the reason dads are increasingly deciding not to spend hundreds of dollars to huddle in the cold and watch their team live is that you can see the game clearer and better from home, so long as you have a good-sized TV.

Although let’s be honest, there are no dads in all of America who have a TV smaller than 50 inches. It’s an impossibility.

Remote Control

With games on FOX and CBS, and night games on NBC, football watching dads will do whatever it takes to (a) not get out of their seat and (b) not see a single commercial. This isn’t the Super Bowl, no one wants to see the same Cialis commercial 10 times over each game. So all dads will have their remote control handy, ready to flick over to the next channel with lightning speed. And you know they have the station numbers memorized. Even stations way up there like…

NFL Redzone

NFL Red Zone has revolutionized the ways in which all Americans, but mostly dads, can watch football on Sundays like they have Attention Deficit Disorder. 12 hours of non-stop football, letting you see every score from every team? That’s an idea that most definitely came to a dad in a wonderful, impossible dream a dozen years ago. Mom hates that the family is paying extra on their cable bill for it, but dad will always insist it more than pays for itself.

A Jersey From A Player Who Played Before You Were Born

Your dad will wear the same unwashed jersey every week, convinced it brings the team luck (even though they lost the last three times he wore it).

This will never be a player who currently is in the league. It’ll always be some Hall of Fame player from his childhood, even though he only bought the jersey like two years ago. It also will be covered in stains, most of which are hopefully nacho cheese and beer-related. And speaking of beer, who can forget one of the most essential things for NFL viewing.

Beer

Duh. Of course your dad’s not gonna watch the games sober. Have you seen how bad his team looked last year? No way he’s putting himself through 15 sacks a game without at least a good buzz on. Now can you go to the fridge real quick and grab the old man another bottle of domestic swill?

His Grill

Yeah, he’s going to need some barbecue action before settling into that recliner for 12 hours. Burgers. Dogs. Brats. You name it, dad wants to cook it and eat it on Sunday.

Peace And Quiet

Finally, no matter what, dad is going to need some peace and quiet. It’s just going to be him, the TV, and the announcing crew (all of whom at one point or another will get yelled at by your dad). Just let him be, he’s busted his ass all week providing for the family. All he asks for is half a day to himself. Not too much to ask, really.