7 Dad Hacks Just Dad Enough To Work

August 15, 2018

Life hacks, those simple little things that make day-to-day life less miserable.

It seems there are 50 new ones every day all over the internet. But newer isn’t necessarily better and who, pray tell, has the best life hacks? Well dad, naturally. His wisdom, can-do spirit and dad-genuity are there for all to treasure.

So here they are, in no particular order and based on true stories, today’s top Dad Hacks:

1 – Use a 12” Ball Peen hammer as an emergency toothbrush (as long as you brush gently as if using a toothbrush, as any dad-tist recommends). Nailed it!*
2 – At picnics, use baseball gloves instead of paper plates. No waste, plus you and the kids can go right from the picnic table to the diamond and not miss a pitch. Don’t worry about any cross-pollination or mess — hot dogs and baseballs taste about the same if they have mustard and onions on them.
3 – Thirsty for a cold beer, but your supply is room temperature? No problem: wrap a wet paper towel on a warm beer, place the beer in the freezer for 15 minutes and eureka, ice cold beer. Does it work with soft drinks? Dad doesn’t know, he’s never needed a cold Coke as bad as he’s needed a chilled brewski.
4 – No cup holder in your vintage car and you just succumbed to the allure of a gas station Super Double Gulp? Don’t steer one-handed and end up in a ditch, just take off one of your shoes and place that liquid monstrosity in that stinky cross trainer down there on the floorboard. Then you can keep those hands at 9 and 3 o’clock.
5 – To avoid filling the fridge with leftovers, just dad-up and eat everything on the table. Dad admits this will cause gassiness and bloating, but that’s what the post-dinner burping contest is for. You do have post-dinner burping contests, don’t you?
6 – If you lose your leg to a shark or gator, use a standard Louisville Slugger as a prosthetic limb (instead of one of those costly hospital issues). Dad of the Year nominee Bart Johnson of Miami did this and hit .565 for his company softball team with his leg bat.
7 – Everyone knows peanut butter is the go-to for getting gum out of hair. But did you know it can be used as a delicious sandwich spread as well? Yes, dad says add peanut butter to your usual jelly sandwich for, what he calls, a PBJ. George Washington Carver would be proud.

*-Corny dad joke of the week. Enjoy!