The Dad Bod. Google it, the results are awe-inspiring.
It’s the perfect result of fatherly fitness, ale consumption and leisure that drives the ladies crazy. Some muscle, a little cushion around the equator and ever evolving/rotating follicle coverage. Majestic!
Its upkeep requires incredible dad-telligence, so occasionally we will present some of dad’s top tips. And here they are, in no particular order, dad’s favorite diet tips:
1 – When enjoying a few beers after mowing the lawn, follow a strict rotation of regular beer followed by a light beer. Rinse and repeat until beer belly is at capacity.
2 – Normally we reject ketchup on a hot dog BUT if you have a dog with ketchup and onions, it counts as your salad serving for the day. Add shredded lettuce and it’s now a vegan meal (this food science is foolproof, don’t bother questioning it)!
3 – There are no calories in festival or fairground foods as long as you’re walking while you eat it.
4 – Grilling any meat scientifically quadruples its protein value, adding pounds of lean muscle while you grill. Arnold Schwarzenegger grew up only eating Austrian sausages and look at him. Termi-dad!
5 – Guacamole is said to be high in “the good fat,” Oleic Acid. Good and fat in the same sentence? Permission granted to load up the nacho chips with gallons of great green guac.
6 – Energy drinks & Mountain Dew aren’t just for skateboarders, slacker surfers and students. They stimulate dad’s mature metabolic rate to a level able to safely support a healthy bacon component to dad’s diet.
7 – A single orange Starburst contains as much vitamin C as five actual oranges. Eat five of these a day, you’ll never catch a cold and maintain a healthy glow. Orange ya glad you read this article today?
8 – An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Why are doctors afraid of the friendly apple? We may never know, none of the white coat cowards will return our call.