Father’s Day. A day in the world of dad like no other. It’s like Christmas, Opening Day and Arbor Day all rolled into one.
(Trumpets blaring): All Hail Dad!
And here they are, in no particular order, dad’s favorite things about Father’s Day:
1 – Breakfast in bed. Preferably served with bacon not measured in slices, but pounds.
2 – Another breakfast in bed an hour later. Since he’s not getting up before noon, why not another breakfast? And damned if dad will call it brunch, such a silly concept.
3 – Father’s Day dress code. Bathrobe and slippers until 4pm before a change into sweatpants and a t-shirt for dinner. Absolutely no shaving.
4 – The gifts. Preferably of the bottled and distilled variety. A scotch on the rocks with a cigar taste all the sweeter while still wearing a bathrobe.
5 – An afternoon of sports on TV with some beers (and a quick nap). Be it baseball or golf, with all household duties and chores suspended for the day, dad can really get into some power relaxing. The family room will be closed to the media at this time.
6 – The pre-dinner Evening at the Dad-prov comedy hour. All the best dad jokes compiled since last year — this should be an HBO special.
7 – Dinner. A feast fit for a king! To quote the greatest dad of all-time, Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!
8 – Post-dinner/pre-bedtime dad appreciation and observation period. The time when the wife, offspring and pets get to express their dad-miration for all dad’s great feats over the past year.
9 – The nightcap. For just this special night alcohol replaces tooth care, it’s booze and bed for the man of the day.