It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. This patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.
Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad is the #1 political pundit.
In Today’s often bizarre, confusing political landscape, good solid non-partisan analysis can be scarce. Is the news really as fake as the President says?
Is Russia, a country armed only with Cold War-era computers, really able to Facebook influence an election? Is Mitch McConnell actually an alien from a galactic senate scene in the Star Wars prequels? Who knows?!? Dad does, that’s who!
Don’t let petty partisan bickering destroy a family or a friendship — let dad drop the Capitol Hill insider insight needed to enlighten and unite. The new tax plan? Dad can explain and calculate each and every economic and socio-economic implication in terms simple enough even Tomi Lahren can comprehend. So pour dad a glass of his favorite scotch, sit down and enjoy a calming fireside chat that will bring you in off that ledge of fear you climb up to every time congress threatens a shut-down or another celebrity ponders a 2020 Presidential run.
And that’s the way it is.
Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad successfully managed the senior class treasurer campaign for his then girlfriend/now your mother without resorting to any nasty campaign ads pointing out Sally Johnson’s acne problems.
2 – Dad’s hair is better than anyone’s at Fox News, CNN or MSNBC.
3 – When it comes to exit polling, he’s +/- 0% accurate.
4 – Dad got a 4.0 in his only Poly Sci course in college despite skipping half the classes. Dad reminds us: never take an 8 a.m. Poly Sci class.
5 – Nobody does a better Richard Nixon “I am not a crook” imitation.