Dad Rule 64: Dad Is The Top-Seeded Bracketologist

March 15, 2018

It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.

Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Dad is the top seeded Bracketologist.

Holy Moly it’s March! Time for March Madness, time to fill out those NCAA hoops brackets.

And who should you look to for the best coaching to win your Big Dance pool? That one Gumbel who does basketball? Dickie V? No, you go to Daddy V, baby! It’s March Dad-ness time! No need to beware the Ides of March like Caesar, it’s winning time!

Dad doesn’t need to know a team’s RPI or SOS or BAC or FBI profile or how many Quadrant 1 wins they have. He just knows roundball better than any of those talking heads on TV. He’ll get your bracket to the Sweet Sixteen in scintillating sensational style.

Plus, if you go to a bar to watch the games with dad he knows how to run the perfect pick and roll to get you past that line of chubby cheapskates at the free buffet right to the chicken wings before all the drumsticks are gone. Slam dunk!

Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad can beat up Joe Lunardi. He won’t, but it’s nice to know he can.
2 – Dad’s a real PTPer (Prime Time Picker), baby!
3 – Dad earned his Masters in Bracketology by wearing half a Spalding basketball on his head and John Stockton short shorts in the student section for every home game during his college days.
4 – Dad can build an actual wooden replica bracket in his workshop strong enough to withstand any 14-seed upset bid to bust it.
5 – The dad beer belly perfectly relegates the precise amount of hoops endorphins needed to be released into the Cerebral Cortex in March for dad to identify a true Cinderella Story or a team headed for a bubble burst.