Dad Rule: Father Really Does Know Best (Always)

January 23, 2018

It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.

Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Father Knows Best

One needs to look no further than TV to realize this truth. From Ward Cleaver to Al Bundy to the older Al Bundy in “Modern Family,” who’s the wisest character on the screen? That’s right, good ole pops.

And, as we all know, art imitates life. Passing on knowledge acquired through years of experience, the TV dad makes sure each and every family crisis is averted in 30 minutes. Efficiency!

Now in practicality, a real-life dad might need a little more than a half-hour to solve the latest catastrophes (but not much). Think of him as Bat-Dad. He’s a Swiss Army knife of skill and savvy, with more applications in his head than even the most crowded iPhone home screen. He can teach his son to change a tire in one instant and in the next develop the perfect plan to get the cute girl in AP Biology to ask HIM to the prom. Da-da-da-da…Dad!!!!!

Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad never gets below an “A” on school projects he does for his kids, even though they forgot to tell him about the projects until the night before they’re due.
2 – Dad doesn’t need any thermometer to tell him when the prime rib is done. He knows just by looking at it.
3 – Dad doesn’t need the stadium jumbotron to tell him when to be loud.
4 – At Bass Pro Shop, employees ask him for help.
5 – When Wikipedia has a question, it asks dad.