It’s time again to add a new rule to the Official Handbook of Dad. The patriarchal guide, created by the Founding Fathers and continuously updated by the top dads of the day, provides needed guidance and wisdom to dads everywhere.
Ponder carefully, this week’s proposal: Only dad may handle and operate the TV remote.
There is no more awesome a responsibility than “driving” the TV, which is why only a person that can grow a beard is allowed to operate the remote in family viewing situations (of course if dad’s not around the device can be used by other family members and pets).
Yes, we live in a day when most appliances and systems can be controlled vocally with Siri Google Alexa Mr. Belvedere, but America, by and large, still controls the cable or satellite TV with the old hand held remote. Glorious nostalgia! Thus, the remote master must have an advanced degree in remote controlology like dad who, back in the days when there was a remote for everything from the stereo to the window A/C unit, masterfully operated them all simultaneously like a great symphony conductor.
Need more convincing? Then please digest the top five reasons this rule should be added:
1 – Dad’s height, reach and range. His measurables are off the charts. He can accurately set the DVR from two rooms away!
2 – Dad makes the best sound effects when changing channels. Like the guy from the Police Academy movies.
3 – Dad has Jedi powers when it comes to sensing when to switch channels. He’s a veritable human Red Zone channel/video DJ.
4 – After his experiences in college, dad can operate a remote with a blood alcohol content level well above legal limits (Not that anyone under 21 should be drinking of course. Don’t drink and drive, kids).
5 – If needed, dad could build a remote from scratch using only parts from an old iPod and a flashlight.