Oh God, Your Dad’s Gonna Have 280 Characters On Twitter

September 30, 2017

It’s a day of celebration for dads, and one of panic for their children. That’s right. Twitter has announced that it is testing a change that would expand the character limit for a single tweet from 140 to 280.

That means there’s no longer any need to shorten or remove as many words, no need to remove the spaces between periods, heck, no need to write “to” as “2” or “are” as “r.” And we should be terrified, because dads are going to run rampant with it.

A 280 character limit to a dad is essentially a dare. It will have the same hallmarks of a classic dad tweet: the typos, the shortened words, and the lack of grammar will still be there. But now dads can ramble. Do you even know how much of a rambling dad joke you can fit in a 280 character tweet? If you took that last sentence, and this one, and combined it into a super boring tweet, it would fit…and still have a whopping eight characters left after the period riiiiiiiight here.

And you know dads will use all of the space given. They’ll just cram it as much as they can. They’ll be telling stories, probably about you. If you thought dads trying to do Twitter threads was bad, it’s only going to get worse. We all asked for this, and we are all going to be sorry as soon as dads get this power.

So enjoy your 280 characters, everybody. It will be your doom.