In Defense Of White Sneakers

September 22, 2017

When you think of the most stereotypical “dad” footwear, you of course conjure up the image of sparkling white sneakers.

It’s the classic dad attire. No matter the occasion, or the event, the white sneaker is there, as it is the source of all dad strength in the universe. But, we’re going to take a step back and postulate that, as much fun as it is to make fun of these somewhat goofy looking sneakers, that they are, in fact…good.

Here’s a defense of white sneakers.

The first sneakers came about in the 1870s, when advances in the ability to vulcanize rubber allowed for the manufacture of lightweight shoes with flexible, but durable soles. At the time, they were called plimsolls, and were largely worn by vacationers and those playing tennis and other sports. Which is pretty similar to how they’re still used. Athletes, vacationers, and dads.

And that is why they’re the best shoes for dads. Because sneakers are, by design, durable, lightweight, and comfortable. It’s a shoe you can use for anything, be that relaxing in a recliner, or jogging, or taking up one of the classic Dad Sports. The sneaker lets dad be as mobile or lazy as the situation dictates.

But why white?

Well, because dads like maintaining things, like their grill, their car, or their mower. And what is more high maintenance than making sure that those sneakers stay blindingly white? It’s a testament to a dad’s ability to wear white sneakers while mowing the lawn and still managing to get those suckers as clean as they were when they came out of the box. Frankly, it’s impressive.

So yeah, you can make fun of dad sneakers all you want, but at the end of the day, they’re more comfortable than your shoes, and cleaner too. Dads know what’s up.