The 5 Types Of Dads You See At A Concert

September 13, 2017

Dads love to brag about concerts. “LEMME TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME I SAW BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN PLAY FOR JUST 10 PEOPLE,” he’ll say, for example. But concerts are also a thing that most dads haven’t gone to since Lollapalooza was a touring festival.

If you do see a dad at a concert, though, it’s likely he’s one of these.

The “Hipster” Dad

The Hipster Dad will go to every show, just to remind people that even though he’s a dad, he’s still “locked into the culture plug.” Whatever that means. He will spend most of the show complaining about how “The Smiths did it better,” unless he’s at a Morrissey concert, in which case he’ll say, “He was better when he was with the Smiths.” His pants will be too tight and he’ll mention how much he spent on a babysitter multiple times during the show.

The “Nostalgia” Dad

A funny thing about aging that every dad can (and will, ad nausea) tell you is how, as you get older, you become more accepting of music from your past. Many a dad has said, “You know what, I didn’t like the Guess Who when they first came out, but hell yes I’ll pay $50 to see them in concert now!”

If you’re at a show where the headliner is some dismantled version of a group, like, say, The Clash with its original backup production drummer and a bunch of 25-year-olds, you’re going to be in a sea of Nostalgia Dads. They will go to the concert to see their old favorites and wax poetic about how things once were. “I remember when Keith Moon was with The Who. What a waste,” is their credo.

The “Crap I’m Totally At The Wrong Concert How Can I Get Out Of Here Gracefully” Dad

More often than not. this is also a Hipster Dad. You can hear him from his haunting cry, “Wait, what the heck is a Skrillex? This sounds like someone put a car battery in a garbage disposal. I wanted to see Shellac! Steve Albini’s minimalist rock band! They had a few albums in the 90’s and oo’s, you’ve probably never heard of them!”

The “Clearly Is His Daughter’s Ride At This Concert” Dad

You’re at an Ariana Grande show. You see a man in his 40s or 50s. He does not have those creepy, sketchy, Steve Buscemi eyes. You feel safe assuming that he’s there as a chaperone for his 13-year-old daughter and her friends, and you buy him a beer because you know he is going through his own personal hell right now.

The “Surprisingly Cool” Dad

The unicorn of concert dads, every once and a while you’ll find someone who genuinely enjoys current music, probably because music trends tend to recycle every 30 years or so and it reminds them of that good stuff they grew up on. They will (a) always be the oldest person there, (b) probably be their with their 20-something child, buying them drinks, and (c) will know more of the discography of the band playing than most of the people there.

These are the dads who embrace their dad-ness and just go to have a good time, and as such, they are definitely the dads you’ve had super cool conversations about your favorite band with. We should all aspire to be the surprisingly cool concert dad in our lives, though, statistically speaking, we’ll all end up as the chaperone ones.