7 Things Dads Do Every Spring

April 28, 2017

It’s springtime, which means we can start going outside without a coat, and we’re going to get rained on a lot. For dads, it’s an especially important season, because it allows them to go out and do the following.

Re-Sod The Lawn

Even though he won’t say it in front of your mom, because he knows he’ll get in trouble for it, your dad cares more about the state of his lawn than he does about your grades. Get a C in math? Dad is very disappointed. But you tear up a section of his lawn? He is livid.

Naturally, as soon as soon as the weather warms up, dad is going to take one look at the state of his lawn and immediately head out to buy sod and seeds to replace all the sections of the lawn that didn’t make it through the winter. It’s literally the first thing he’ll do as soon as the weather starts reliably hitting 50 degrees every day.

Put In Screen Windows

Your dad put in heavy duty insulating windows for the winter because he is a dad and saving money on the gas bill is his prime directive. But when it’s nice out, he’s going to want a breeze going through the house (which also can be used to save money by turning off the air conditioning on certain days).

This will involve your dad straddling windowsills to put in screen windows on the second floor of your house. He will look like he’s going to fall to his death for about 80% of the time it takes for him to finish the job, but he won’t ever fall, because he has Dad Balance. And that’s science, folks.

Make The Family Go On A Bike Ride

On the first really nice Sunday of the season, dad will wake up the whole family, strap a half dozen bikes to the back of the car, and head out to the nearest trail or forest preserve so the family can have some “wholesome” active time together, in the form of a bike ride. It will be kind of a pain, but you do get to eat from a picnic basket at the halfway point, so that’s something at least.

Coach A Little League Team

Every dad coaches a Little League baseball team in the spring. Most baseball teams are composed of 20 kids and 23 coaches, somehow. Also, dad will get pissed if his kid doesn’t run all the way to first base on a ground out. Let’s see some hustle there, Jayson!

Read A Book On A Hammock

He’s going to be doing this all summer, but it’s spring where he first sets up the hammock for a good lazy weekend afternoon. If anyone asks, he’s just making sure it’s still structurally sound after the winter.

Plant Tomatoes

Every dad spends all spring tending after three tomato plants that will yield exactly 5 (really good!) tomatoes at some point in July. Even if he doesn’t like tomatoes, he’s still planting them.

Make Bad Jokes About The Weather

It’s going to happen. Just prepare yourself for a slew of “Can February March? No but April May” and the like. “What did the tree say to spring,” he’ll ask, and you’ll groan when he says, “what a re-leaf!” To be fair, dad will always make a joke about the weather and the season, but in this case it’ll just be spring-focused.