7 Cable Channels That Only Dad Watches

April 8, 2017

In the age of Netflix and Roku, it’s increasingly uncommon to see cable television in an American household. Unless that household has a dad.

Dads take pride in their 900 different channels, and shockingly enough even watch most of them. But what networks are lurking in the triple digits of your TV plan that are pretty much exclusively watched by dads? Well, here are seven cable channels that dad, and only dad, watches.

Fox Business Channel

“Fox Business Channel” is basically a three word replacement for “what you think your dad does for a living.” You’d rather watch ten hours of paint drying than ten minutes of Cable News Business Talk, but your dad eats that shit for breakfast. No, literally, he watches it while he eats his breakfast.

ESPN Classic

If nostalgia was a network, it would be ESPN Classic, a channel that solely exists so your dad can watch games that he actually went to ten years ago. He’ll try to call you into the room to watch it with him, saying, “Now, here, I missed the play because I went to get another beer,” and you’ll look up the game on your smartphone and walk out once you see who won.

Fox Sports 2

Let’s be real here, probably only 70% of you have even heard of FS1. But Fox Sports 2? Only like, seventeen dads bother watching that channel.

The Weather Channel

Dads are the only ones who watch the Weather Channel, because they’re also the only ones who will never trust the weather app on their smartphone.

Golf Channel

If you squint at this logo hard enough, the world “Golf” magically transforms to say “Dad.” It’s like one of those magic eye posters from the 90’s. But yes, no one other than a dad is going to be glued to their chair with 24-hour riveting golf action.

Outdoor Channel

A channel that’s pretty much hunting and fishing shows is not only a channel made for dads, but probably every single person who has anything to do with the network is an extreme dad. Dad writers. Dad hosts. Dad producers. Hell, probably even Dad social media interns. This network is about as dad as you can get. The only way you can get more dad is…

Smithsonian Channel

Before it became a hotbed for reality shows and alien theories, The History Channel was a perfectly dad-approved network. But now, there’s only one channel that reigns supreme in the dad realm. That’s right, the Smithsonian Channel. Did you know that the Smithsonian even has their own channel? Well your dad does. And he’s probably watching it right now.