That Time TV’s Ultimate Dad Was Arrested For Dealing Cocaine

March 30, 2017

Tim Taylor. The Tool Man. Santa. Buzz Lightyear. Whoever the hell he plays on that sitcom of his no one watches, but has inexplicably been on the air for six years. Yes, Tim Allen is known for many of his roles, all of which can basically be distilled into two words.

Classic Dad.

But before he made his career as a tool-toting, neighbor-having, grunt-making dad icon, he lived a very different life. He started trying his hand as a comedian in 1975, and of course found success, and fame, through that avenue.

But what many people might not remember was that time from 1978 to 1980 that his meteoric rise suffered a bit of a hiccup. Because he was arrested for dealing cocaine. Remember that? We sure do.

So let’s talk about the time Tim Allen, TV’s ultimate dad, was arrested for coke.

Photo courtesy of The Smoking Gun

In 1978, at the youthful age of 25, Tim Allen was subsidizing his stand up the way many people did in the 70s. By dealing massive amounts of cocaine. Okay, so maybe not that many people. Either way, the biggest deal he tried to make didn’t end up working out so well for the Tool Man.

On October 2nd, 1978, Tim Allen, who we will remind you went on to play some of the most famous dads in TV and movie history, went to the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport with about a pound and a half of cocaine, which he was going to swap for about $42,000 which was the 2017 equivalent of, holy shit, over $160,000. Needless to say, that’s a lot of coke.

Naturally, the cops showed up.

With the amount of cocaine in his possession, state law at the time could have sent Allen to jail for (the judicial system was a joke in the 70s) his entire natural life. Facing this daunting prospect, Allen did what any rational person who doesn’t want to die in jail for slinging nose candy would do: he ratted out everyone. And I mean everyone. He named 21 different drug dealers and suppliers that he had worked with to get his sentence reduced down to 3 to 5 years.

Yes, Tim The Tool Man Taylor was a snitch.

And he served his time, too.

Allen spent over two years in jail before being released on good behavior. He often claims that his sense of humor helped get him through his dark time, and even the judge who sentenced him knew that he was ultimately destined for great things. During his sentencing, the judge told Allen, “There is a remarkable talent, don’t waste it. Be a man, do your time, then come out and do what you do best. I expect you to be a very successful comedian.”

He kept at his comedy, and 10 years later became an instant millionaire with the success of Home Improvement. But through it all, one fact remained true. That Tim Allen, TV’s ultimate dad, spent time in jail for slinging coke. Hell, all dads have their secrets, right?