8 Things Every Dad Packs For A Family Vacation

March 27, 2017

Dads have packing for a trip down to a science, if your definition of “science” includes the idea that you don’t need more than three pairs of underwear for a weeklong vacation. But dad is, if anything, an efficient packer, and here are the eight items he will always make room for.

An Oversized Thermos Full of Coffee

It doesn’t matter if you’re going on a road trip or hopping into a taxi to go to an airport where you literally are not allowed to bring it on the plane, dad’s gotta have his piping hot thermos of morning joe. He’ll brag about how it’s cheaper than Starbucks, but regular coffee at Starbucks is like under two bucks. Doesn’t matter, dad’s gotta have his thermos, which he will somehow finish before you get to whatever destination you’re heading to.

A Styrofoam Cooler

By far the most unwieldy item dad will pack will be his trusty styrofoam cooler. He could buy one wherever you guys are going, but that’s just a waste of good money. Besides, old Bertha’s been reliable ever since dad bought it to store worms and beer (yes, together) for that fishing outing with the boys a few years back. There is a high chance this will come packed with beers from the fridge.

Fanny Pack

Listen, your dad knows the look you’re giving him, but fanny packs are convenient, okay? It’s like a purse that’s acceptable for dads to wear, but more organized. You can fit a passport, a wallet, and a few sticks of gum in there without having to worry about pickpockets. Very practical!

Khaki Shorts With A Black Belt

It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, your dad will have a pair of khakis that cut off above the knee, and he will wear it with black socks and a black belt. To dinner. To a nice dinner.

Like, Seven Travel Guide Books

Dads spend more time researching a vacation than you did your last round of final exams. So naturally he’s going to bring just, every single travel guide he can get his hands on, and they will be dog-eared to no end. Then, despite having meticulously mapped out every restaurant you’re going to go to on the trip, he’ll see an Arby’s and go, “Oh, who wants some curly fries,” and screw up his own schedule.

Red Vines Licorice

Absolutely essential.

An Oversized Hat

A cowboy hat (from a dad who has no business wearing a cowboy hat) is a good way to go here. But it doesn’t have to be a cowboy hat. It could be a large sun hat. Or an Indiana Jones hat. Or, ugh, a fedora. Anything with a brim that dad can say is to keep sun out of his eyes, while really thinking it makes him look cool (it does not). Either way, all dads have a hat like this that they only wear for vacations. And dad will pack it.

Not Enough Sunscreen

If mom is in charge of packing sunscreen, you’ll be fine. But if dad’s in charge, he’ll either completely forget, or will bring enough to last one day, tops. Sunscreen isn’t really something dads worry about, as they have dad skin that is somehow impervious to the sun. So their idea of “how much sunscreen is enough” is woefully off. You’re going to get sunburned, and it’s dad’s fault, basically.