America’s Casual Dining Restaurant Chains, Ranked By Dads

February 10, 2017

The American casual sit-down restaurant chain is one of the finest institutions in this fair nation. At least, your dad thinks so. Casual restaurant chains thrive on dad appeal.

The straightforward menus, fair prices, and copious amounts of kitsch on the walls and the servers pretty much scream “well hello Karen, my name is Greg and I’ll be your customer.”

But which casual restaurant chain reigns supreme in the eye of dad?

10: Denny’s

Denny’s misses the mark for dads, unfortunately. Grandparents love it, because they serve dinner at 4:30. And teens love it because they can loiter there after midnight drinking coffee. But dads falling right between are less likely to be won over by their charm, even if their Grand Slam makes a valiant effort.

9: Ruby Tuesday

Ruby Tuesday tries to win your dad over by naming themselves after a Rolling Stones song, but otherwise it falls a bit flat. If you put a gun to someone’s head and told them to name a specific food dish they associate with Ruby Tuesday, you’d likely end up with splattered brains as your answer. Hell, one of the few things they do to set themselves apart is their salad bar, which is basically dad repellent.

8: Bob Evans

Comfort food is well and good, but Bob Evans is pretty much just a wanna-be Cracker Barrel without the fun retail store inside and with a bunch of frozen food offerings at your grocery store. Sure, dads like the food here, but they’re not hauling ass to get there.

7: Cracker Barrel

This is a tough one to put so low, because Cracker Barrel is literally crack for some people, but it’s really more for grandparents and single people in their 30s taking girls on disappointing dates.

Dad loves Cracker Barrel, but if he’s being honest with himself, he only really eats there when the family’s on a road trip. For date night, or for the weekly family dinner out, he’s more likely to go with the following six chains.

6: Red Lobster

Cheddar.

Bay.

Biscuits.

That’s all we really need to say to justify this ranking, but we’ll add the fact that dads think that lobster is fancy as hell, so when a dad goes to a Red Lobster he feels like he’s a goddamn Rockefeller.

5: Outback Steakhouse

Listen, Outback is outstanding. The Bloomin’ Onion is basically heroin in food form, and their steaks are reasonably price and well seasoned.

Plus, you can get giant cans of Fosters! And it seem exotic because it’s Australian, but it’s actually safe and dad-friendly because it was founded by two dudes in Tampa. The only reason this isn’t higher is that for most dads it’s either viewed as a “when you want a fancy dinner” choice, or they forget about it for most of the year before realizing it’s an option and deciding to have a date night there.

It’s a very strong dad restaurant, but it loses out to these following four chains.

4: Applebee’s

Applebee’s plays a strong dad game. It just…feels like a place where dads go to unwind.

But really, its biggest strength lies in their bombardment of commercials advertising their specials. Applebee’s has so many specials! Seriously, if you go to their menu online, the first two categories aren’t even types of food, they’re just “one appetizers and two entrees for $20!” and “$9.99 promos.” And as much as dads love casual dining establishments, they love finding cheap deals even more.

3: Olive Garden

Listen, if we have to explain to you why the unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks special at Olive Garden is basically kitty litter for dads, we don’t know what you’re even doing on this site.

2: T.G.I. Friday’s

T.G.I. Friday’s originally started as a singles bar (no, seriously), but it has since grown into a multinational chain of pure dadness.

The phrase “Thank Goodness it’s Friday” (or “thank God” if you’re nasty) is one of those sentences that dads have to say each and every Friday, lest they lose their dad powers. The interior is nothing but dad-approved kitsch. Plus, the menu has all those Jack Daniels “flavored” items. It’s almost a pure dad Mecca. But there is still one chain that bests them all, and that is…

1: Chili’s

Finally, the pinnacle of dad restaurants. The mighty Chili’s.

Just saying the name will cause your dad to spontaneously break out into the Chili’s baby back ribs song. They’ve got as many crazy specials as Applebees, they’re as kitsch as T.G.I. Friday’s, and there’s a non-zero chance that your dad is in one right now getting lightly drunk off of margaritas. It truly is the ultimate dad casual restaurant chain.