Why The Dad Bod Is A Damn Myth

December 17, 2016

Let’s get this out of the way: there is no such thing as a Dad Bod.

When “Dad Bod” became the new “it physique” it was bullshit, because Dad Bods are not an actual thing, and we need to stop pretending like seeing a normal-looking man who doesn’t look like Brad Pitt when his shirt is off is some unique thing.

It’s not.

90% of you reading this have Dad Bods, which is really just Normal Bods, and the other 10% of you have had a conversation with another human about your workout regimen this week that lasted longer than 5 minutes.

A Dad Bod is just what a human male looks like in their resting state.

People assume that once you become a dad you’ll soften up, but that’s not the case. That’s just called “not being a high schooler anymore.” The Freshman 15? That’s your beer-aided “Dad Bod.” If you’re older than 23, not a professional athlete or a fitness enthusiast, and drink alcohol, you have a Dad Bod. Which, again, is not a real thing, and is just a way people used to describe Normal Guy Bods.

When did the “Dad Bod,” a fake term for a fake thing, become so prevalent in society?

I’d probably have to peg it at around 2009 or 2010 when, all of a sudden, some photos of otherwise hot actors started surfacing that showed them carrying around a little extra weight. That is because these celebrities, who are paid to look good shirtless on screen and as such prepare for their roles by hiring nutritionists and personal trainers, were not in the profess of preparing for a role, and as in the course of living a normal life with normal dietary vices, gained 15 pounds of “Dad Bod” weight, which again, is not a real thing, and again, just means that they had Normal Bods.

People started talking about how “Dad Bod Matt Damon is hot” when really they were saying that Matt Damon, an attractive celebrity, is attractive when he has a normal human male torso.

Ultimately, you are just as likely to see a non-dad with a “Dad Bod” as you are likely to see a physically jacked Dad. That is because most men do not look like Zac Efron when they take off their shirts. People who say that the Dad Bod is hot are just saying they have realistic expectations of what most men look like naked, which is perfectly acceptable and rational.

But it’s also not a thing. The Dad Bod is a myth. Case closed.
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