The Most Classic Dad Beers Of All-Time

December 10, 2016

The Legendary Duff Beer

Dad likes drinking beer more than he likes using a riding lawnmower, fishing, or talking to you about your problems, because in order to do all three of those things he has to have a beer in his hand. And even then, he’s probably still enjoying his brew more than any of the above.

But what beer is your dad drinking? Chances are, it’s going to be one of these 10 Classic Dad Beers. Let us take a peek at dad’s fridge, shall we?

Coors Light

Your dad has a story about Coors. He’ll drink Coors Light, but back in his day, it was the banquet beer. In fact, one spring break, he and his buddies drove all the way down to Colorado for a ski trip, and on the way back they loaded up three cases of it in their back seat, ’cause you could only get it in Colorado back in those days.

That is a story that has been told by 75% of all dads in existence. It’s a pretty premium dad beer.

Bud Light

Dads love Bud Light because “it tastes good with barbecue” or “it’s nice and refreshing,” but really it’s because “it’s cheap and I’m planning on drinking a whole mess of them.” Bud Light has been bringing frat houses and their fathers together for decades.

Miller High Life aka Champagne Of Beers

Of course your dad drinks Miller High Life. If Miller High Life were a person, he’d have already told you a story about “back when I went to college, they didn’t even have telephones in the room. You had to actually go to a communal floor phone to use it. And remember phone booths? Yeah, you used to call people from a booth.”

Even Miller High Life’s commercials are basically narrated by your dad.

Stella Artois

Stella might not be your dad’s beer, but it definitely is a dad’s beer.

When you start developing a taste for craft beers, your dad is going to see a case of Stella, remember it from those fun commercials with the knife slicing off the foam, and say, “Hey look, a import! And it’s been brewed since 1366? Wowee!” before buying a 12-pack of it for the holidays and telling you, “Hey see, I got some of that fancy Belgium beer you’ve been getting into. Tastes pretty good!”

Note, this only applies in America. In England, it’s just a beer dad drinks because it’s got the highest alcohol content of the cheap beers.

Corona

Every Corona commercial on the beach has fit, attractive men and women relaxing as they drink a refreshing brew. Every beach that has a cooler of Coronas is filled with dads who wear tank tops and do that thing where they don’t rub in the sunscreen on their nose so it’s all white.

Dad’s Home Brew

Some of you have Cool Dads who brew their own beer in large quantities and bring it out for Thanksgiving. “Yeah, I put a little coriander in there. Some orange spice too. Can you taste it?”

It’ll taste better than any other dad beer on this list, and it won’t be close, but it’s a lot more expensive as you’ll have to listen to about three hours of Dad excitedly describing every single step of beer brewing.

He’ll then buy you one of those Mr. Beer kits for Christmas that’ll gather dust in a corner before you sell it at a garage sale.

Yuengling

Ah, Yuengling. The beer that’s “just okay” that East Coasters convince themselves is the best thing ever if they ever move to the Yuengling-free Midwest or West Coast. If your dad has a Yuengling, you probably are in Pennsylvania, and your dad has better taste in beer than most.

Hamm’s!

The two kinds of people who drink Hamm’s are dads who insist on teaching their kids how to do their own oil changes, and pseudo-hipsters who bring it to BYOB parties to make sure that no one drinks their beer. There is literally no other market that Hamm’s has broken into.

It also has the word “ham” in it, which is pretty solid dad bait.

Natty Light

This could also be Busch, or Icehouse, or Milwaukee’s Best, or any number of beers that come in 30-packs that have the same kind of “cheap beer” flavor.

Dads love cheap beer because that’s what they grew up on. Then when you try to get them to try an IPA or something, they say, “I don’t need any of that fancy France beer or whatever, I got my Natty right here.”

The King Of (Dad) Beers

Bud Heavy is such a dad beer that when we started typing “Bud Heavy” we almost followed with “What, Bud? I think he’s lost some wait, actually!”

Oh God, it’s contagious.

A full-strength Budweiser says, “I like how Budweiser tastes, but I’m nowhere near young or single enough to care about extra calories.” It says, “Sure I’ve been outside the states. One time I took the family down to Cabo for the kids’ Spring Break.” It says, “I have to try harder to find this than Bud Light, but I still make the effort.”

Budweiser claims to be the king of beers, but really, they’re the King of Dad Beers.

Editor’s Note: The dads have spoken and believe there were two egregious omissions: Pabst Blue Ribbon and Old Style. Fair point, dads. Fair point.