Why Dad Is Both The Best And Worst Driving Instructor

November 15, 2016

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Many of you got your first taste of driving because your dad decided to flagrantly thumb his nose at the law and thought putting you behind the wheel would be a nice bonding moment.

So basically, your dad was your first driving instructor.

In the grand tradition of dads teaching their kids how to drive, there are two ultimate truths. First, the kids whose dads were “cool enough” to give them lessons always started Drivers Ed with an unfair advantage. And second, your dad was probably the worst man for the job. So let’s ask ourselves why and how dad is both the best, and worst, driving instructor.

Case For The Best

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Dads have the wisdom and knowledge of how to really drive.

While most driving instructors make you stick to the “rules of the road” as they exist “as actual laws,” dad knows that most of that is malarkey, and he will tell you that, specifically by using the word malarkey. He’ll let you know that no one goes only the speed limit on a highway, and your GPS’s arrival time is a goal that exists for you to beat.

Plus, on a purely human level, learning to drive is a big life event. Sharing it with a member of your family is something both you and your father will cherish, once memories of your dad constantly shouting, “THE BRAKE NO PRESS THE BRAKE THE FAT ONE, THE FAT ONE, JONATHAN!” have faded away.

Case For The Worst

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First of all, knowing what laws every driver breaks only helps in the real world. It does the opposite of help if you’re taking a driver’s test. So 60% of what your dad teaches you is something you’ll need to unlearn, and then re-learn, which just sounds exhausting.

Also, your dad loves you more than he loves his car, right? You paused for like half a second there before agreeing with that sentence just now, didn’t you?

It’s not to say that you’re the most important thing in his life (“next to the Jets! Ha ha, just kidding, Billy”), but your dad really likes his car, which will cause him to have an internal freakout every time you touch the wheel.

When you’re young enough to think that your dad won’t notice that you snuck into the liquor cabinet and replaced the vodka you drank with water, you’re probably not old enough to be trusted with your dad’s precious car.

Yet, he wants to teach you how to drive, and he will suck it up. But there will be oh so much shouting. And God help you if you actually get a scratch on the car.

Ultimately, learning how to drive from your dad is a rite of passage. There are far worse ways to get driving experience, and at least your dad is less creepy than literally every professional driving instructor that has ever lived.