Dadvice: Forget Dear Abby, Let’s Ask A Dad!

October 19, 2016

This is the first in a continuing series of questions emailed by people just like you, and answered by Classic Dad experts. From grilling hacks to basic auto repair to learning how to tell the perfect Dad Joke, we’ll always be here to give you the advice you need (and can’t get from those other outlets).

Q: I don’t have a meat thermometer. How do I know when to take meat off the grill?

Channel your inner dad. Or, if you still don’t know how to do that, follow these simple guidelines established by dads many years ago. The key is that it’s always better to slightly overcook than to give your entire tailgate (or backyard full of friends) food poisoning. Don’t be that guy.

Chicken: Poke the meat and if the juices run pink or red, keep cooking until they’re clear
Brats and sausages: Buy the pre-cooked kind and then sizzle them to brown perfection
Burgers: Char the hell out of them. Seriously.
Steak: Okay fancy pants. Move along.
Hot Dogs: Yeah, those are pre-cooked.
If you’re using a smoker, we’ll assume you know what you’re doing, so carry on.

Q: Can I wear cargo shorts with a sport jacket?

You not only can, you should! Look, the fact you’re even asking this question means you have the balls to pull it off, so drop a spare beer in each cargo short pocket and let’s party!

Q: How do I fix that?

Duct tape.

Or, if it’s a body part, just rub some dirt on it.

Next question.

Q: How do you jump a car?

You definitely want to bend your knees. Ha ha! Get it? Okay, if by chance you were asking how to start a car when your battery has died, we can help with that too. It’s pretty simple.

What you need: A second car with a working battery. Jumper cables. Plenty of room.

First off, you don’t want to be jumping a car in the middle of the street, so hopefully you’re in a parking lot or safely on the side of the road somewhere.

Turn off both cars. One is dead anyway, so this should be pretty easy.
Apply parking brake on both cars.
Pop the hoods.
Now, attach the red clip to the positive terminal of the dead battery. You’ll notice a + or positive indication on the terminal.
Attach the red clip to the positive terminal of the good car’s battery.
Attach the black clip to the negative terminal of the good car’s battery.
Attach the last black clip to a metal part of the dead car, such as the metal strut that holds the hood open.
Start the working car and let the engine run 60 seconds.
Start the dead car. If it works, all good. If it doesn’t start, let the working car run another few minutes and try again. If the car won’t start, your battery is dead as a doornail. Time to call the tow truck.

Got a question to Ask Dad? Send an email to support@classicdad.co and maybe we’ll answer it. In the meantime, just grab a domestic beer, watch some football and everything should be fine.

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