Of all the dad fashion choices that are maligned in the media, cargo shorts are the subject of the most disdain (okay, maybe right after the fanny pack).
People really hate the fact that men wear cargo shorts. Well, we here at Classic Dad not only disagree with this assessment, but we think cargo shorts have a lot to offer. So here is our defense of the humble garment that gets a bad rap in the “mainstream” media.
Listen, shorts aren’t supposed to be fashionable. Shorts are for when it’s too hot for you to care how you look. When you see someone who really wants to impress other people with their fashion know-how (a concept utterly foreign to the average dad), they’re going to be wearing chic long pants no matter the temperature. Basically, if you care enough to think that cargo shorts are a “fashion faux pas,” you need to get over yourself.
The loose, baggy nature of cargo shorts are responsible for a lot of the insults they receive. But that’s also one of their best features! Cargo shorts allow for any cool breeze to magically swirl around their spacious interior, keeping its wearer cool and collected.
Anything with extra pockets is a good idea. Cargo pants give you a fun, secret pocket in the front to store your stuff in so you don’t have to sit on your Costanza wallet all day. There’s something to be said about functional clothing.
Most men have pasty, hairy upper thigh regions that no one really wants to see. Save everyone the potential eyesore and go with shorts that are long enough to cover that whole mess up!
If a stranger wearing cargo shorts is the worst thing that happens to you today, consider yourself fucking lucky, buddy. Otherwise, shut up and let us comfortably loaf in peace.