6 Things In Every Dad’s Closet
From old sporting equipment to clothes you’ve never seen him wear (but he refuses to throw out), here are 6 things you can find in every dad’s closet. Because all dads are the same.
Tommy Bahama Shirt (Or The Like)
Actually, if it’s a Tommy Bahama shirt, your dad is doing pretty well. More than likely, however, these Hawaiian themed shirts are probably moth-ridden relics of the 1970’s and he will never, ever throw them away.
Outdated Porn
Your dad’s porn is so old it doesn’t just predate the Internet, it was around before your mom. Somehow it made it from moving box to moving box, undetected, three different times. It can’t really be watched anymore since it’s on VHS, but it’s a reminder that your dad used to be a normal human back in the day.
Old Spice Bottles From The 80’s
Before Old Spice was a funny brand with weird commercials, it was your father’s aftershave. Literally. And he still has the bottles from 1987 to prove it. You can find them right between the Brut Cologne and his initialed cuff links.
All The Dad Jeans
Sure, any jeans in your dad’s closet are by definition “dad jeans,” but you know the kind we’re talking about. They’re cut horribly and when he wears them, you actually aren’t sure where his legs end and his torso begins. They were purchased in 1993. And for some reason, he has like 15 pairs of them. (Yes, Mitt Romney is like your dad)
Every Tie You’ve Ever Bought Him For Father’s Day
This is actually the only place you’ll ever see these ties, as he hasn’t worn a single one of them. Ever. In fact, they might still be in the box. You can usually find them right next to the socks you got him last Christmas. Not cool on your part or his, honestly.
The Bowling Ball You’ve Never Seen Him Use
What’s this? A bowling ball in a suitcase? Apparently, your dad actually took the time to go out and purchase a bowling ball at some point in his life. The only question is whether he’s got the shoes to match. We’re guessing yes.
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