5 Things Every Dad Shouts At A Little League Game

October 1, 2016

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Ah, Little League baseball. It’s the classic American institution where uncoordinated children run around with little innate knowledge of the rules of baseball while dads everywhere relive their glory days.

All dads, legally, have to shout encouraging words to their children during a Little League game, and while some might differ in their approach, every dad has found themselves shouting the following statements.

“Good Eye!”

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If every Little League batter under the age of 12 decided not to swing at every single pitch, the game would be over by slaughter rule in the top of the 1st once the third relief pitcher walked in the 10th run on five pitches.

The pitchers can hardly even heave it over the plate, which is something the smart but unathletic Little League player knows. While most kids are going to hack away no matter what because walks are boring, the moment one lets a pitch by, a chorus of “Good eye, good eye” will be rained upon the aesthetic right fielder as he takes his base.

“Keep Sharp Out There! Let’s Hear Some Chatter!”

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Dads wrongfully assume that having Little League players talk to each other between pitches is somehow going to stop the entire outfield from picking the seeds off of the blades of grass that the Park District’s lawnmower somehow missed. Of the 10 kids on the field, including the batter, a maximum of three are actually paying attention at any given time.

“Good Hustle!”

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Because shouting “Goddamn it, Billy, why do you ground it to the shortstop every damn time, I guess you got your athletic genes from your mother” will garner you some dirty looks.

“Oh Come On, Ump, Are You Blind?!”

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Dads hate it when their kids strike out. Hate it. And they will make damn sure the 16-year-old kid covered in acne working the game for $25 will know it.

“Good Game, Boys, Good Effort!”

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The fathers will say, in unison, once their child’s team finishes losing by 12 runs. At which point they will swallow their disappointment, and take their kid out for pizza, which was the only thing they cared about in the first place.

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