11 Things All Dads Do On Twitter

January 27, 2017

The Dads of Twitter love the platform, but aren’t exactly the most savvy users. In fact, they almost always use it exactly the wrong way, but no matter how many times you tell them that the reason they can’t post their comment is that it’s over 140 characters, they’ll keep doing it their way.

Here are the 12 most “dad” uses of Twitter.

1. Is An Egg

The first time a dad figures out how to put his actual picture up on his Twitter profile, the prophecy will have been fulfilled, and Twitter will disappear to return from whence it came.

2. “Liking” Every One Of Their Kid’s Tweets

At first, it’s an appreciated gesture, but after a while you start to get self-conscious about the string of tweets you’ve posted whose only like was from “GrillDad1965.”

3. Follows Only His Kids And Athletes (Or Politicians)

Your dad is not going to be varied in his Twitter followers. Of course he’ll follow his kids, but he’ll also probably follow a slew of either athletes, or politicians, depending on if he’s a sporty dad or an awkwardly political dad. Though speaking of dads following their kids on Twitter…

4. He Only Joined Twitter To Follow His Kids

He’ll eventually grow into the medium, but make no mistake, his sole intention when joining Twitter was to read your tweets.

5. He Follows Either 20 People, Or 2,000

There are two kinds of dads on Twitter. One only follows his kids and maybe a handful of the aforementioned politicians or athletes. The other spirals out of control, favoriting everyone he can without making anything in the way of lists to keep track of them.

6. He Only Posts @ Response Tweets

Dad isn’t on Twitter to post his own musings or let you know what he’s doing at that moment. He’s there to @ you to say “your mother wants you to call her.”

7. He Does Not Use Proper Grammar Or Spelling

Your dad’s a pretty smart guy. He went to college. He is someone’s boss. But put him on Twitter, and all of a sudden he doesn’t capitalize anything (or he writes IN ALL CAPS) and suddenly forgets the difference between “your” and “you’re.”

8. He Will Ask You To Explain What Your Subtweets Mean

“What did you mean last Friday when you tweeted ‘Well I guess some people are too busy to return a simple text message?’ Did you send me a text message? If so, I wasn’t too busy, I must not have gotten it.”

9. He Still Manually Retweets

There’s literally a button you can press that will retweet someone’s post, but your dad will still insist on copying the tweet, typing “RT @ESPN” and then pasting the ensuing tweet. Or, if he’s the President, he’ll just use a quotation mark instead.

10. He Will Never Use Direct Message