Satire

Local Man Taking Two Years To Finish Bottle Of Bushmills

Reports out of Frankfort, Kentucky indicate that local man Eric Kranley has been slowly nursing the same bottle of Bushmills Black Bush for two years. Kranley, who claims to be “more of a beer guy,” purchased the bottle several years ago for a holiday party, and has only intermittently poured the occasional glass for himself

Local Man Taking Two Years To Finish Bottle Of Bushmills
Satire

Dad Proudly Owns Just Two Suits

According to family and friends, father-of-three Jeremy Heckle, 44, proudly owns just two suits. Heckle, who works as a mechanic, insists that he has the “perfect” number of suits, and that “if you take care of your suit, it’ll last a lifetime.” Heckle claims that he wears one suit, a brown ensemble purchased in the

Dad Proudly Owns Just Two Suits
Satire

Nation’s Dads Wondering If You’re Gonna Finish That

“Hey, you still working on that?” the majority of America’s dads recently asked, referring to the food left on your plate. While you were clearly still eating it, that didn’t stop 100% of the dads in the vicinity to wonder aloud whether you “needed some help” with those fries, pizza or the last few bites

Nation’s Dads Wondering If You’re Gonna Finish That
Satire

Man Considers Taco Bell To Be International Cuisine

Much to the confusion and concern of his friends and family, 28-year-old Chad Brimsley apparently considers the fast food chain Taco Bell “international cuisine.” “Yeah, it’s a bit worrisome,” his roommate told reporters. “Like, when people ask him what kind of restaurants he likes, he’ll be like ‘oh, you know mostly burger and hot dog

Man Considers Taco Bell To Be International Cuisine
Satire

Treadmill Officially Downgraded To Coat Hanger

Two years after its purchase by 43-year-old Brent Richards, the household’s NordicTrack Commercial 1750 has officially been downgraded from “treadmill” to “coat hanger.” The treadmill, which was originally used upwards of four times a week, has not been used in months, with clothes and coats slowly piling up on it, making its functionality as a

Treadmill Officially Downgraded To Coat Hanger